


Sovereign

by nachttour



Series: The Dad Who Lived [4]
Category: Homestuck, MS Paint Adventures, MSPA
Genre: AU, Age Difference, Deus Ex Machina, Dom/sub Undertones, Explicit Sex, F/F, F/M, Grief, Light Bondage, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, Quadrant Confusion, Quadrant Poly, Sadstuck, Threesome, Timeline Collapse, Tricksters, Voyeurism, Xeno, dp, white king - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-14
Updated: 2015-05-18
Packaged: 2017-11-29 05:52:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 39,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/683590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nachttour/pseuds/nachttour
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Dad and Gamzee are still in love, Karkat, John and Sollux are in a clusterfuck of a quadrant arrangement, and reality is slowly caving in around them and the rest of the group. Also, sloppy makeouts.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Anniversary

**Author's Note:**

> I had initially intended for this to be the last section of DWL 'verse. But thanks to a few amazing folks Dadzee lives on! This will be continuing into a larger and more intricate plot. The pairings will shift a bit, but I'm sure y'all can deal with that as we go. I promise only logical things within the continuity of the AU. <3 Thank you for sticking with me. 
> 
> I also blame faun-songs for this beautiful piece of art that gave me a fic-idea that I couldn't shake. 
> 
> (Story starts five years/2.5 sweeps after the end of Cupcake, set in the Dad Who Lived Universe.)

In the middle of his life, Cade Adolfus Egbert was blessed with an even more interesting life than he previously had possessed. Given the general delight and zest of the life that he stepped out of, the one that he stepped in to would have to be even more engrossing. The evidence was clear as the burning wreckage of a joke shop and infant wailing. This was not something that he had expected nor welcomed, but it came regardless. With that change came others. Rather than just being Cade, he was instead 'Dad'. Instead of helping his mother run a humor and novelty shop, Dad went to work for a corporation that offered excellent medical and dental and had manageable premiums. Instead of becoming embittered he banked the disaster monies gained from the shop's destruction into a college fund. 

 

Dad remembered his dubious blessing again later in life when the sky changed colors and his house was suddenly perched on a precarious island in the void, and the stars no longer matched the constellations he knew. Adjustments to that effect also were necessary. 

 

The miracles of life presented themselves in quiet ways. Wearing eyeliner for the first time in years while sitting in the bathroom of his house, letting Gamzee paint his face was one of them. Admittedly he made a rather dashing harlequin, disregarding the fact that secretly clowns greatly upset him. It was a fear he had pushed down for John, who harbored an obsession with them in childhood, and later for Gamzee who had strong ties to them. The first time that he had worn eyeliner was for a school production-- nothing that he could remember the name of. The extent of his role in the little drama was to be one of the villagers. Joking with his fellow thespians he had stabbed himself in the eye with the makeup pencil. The result was a villager who was somewhat weepy on one side of his face. Dad figured it was part of his motivation and rolled with it. 

 

Gamzee hovered behind him, subtle delight brightening his eyes. Karkat generally disapproved of Gamzee painting himself and asked that he not do it. Ever-indulgent to his moirail, Gamzee refrained, saving the makeup for special occasions. This was a special occasion. 

 

“Happy anniversary.” 

 

Dad smiled, a naked delight forcing its way through his chest, filling him abundantly. 

 

“Did I say it right?” 

 

“Yes, my sweet. You did.” 

 

“That is a right fucking good thing. Er. Sorry. Right amazing thing.” 

 

Dad reached up and brushed a forefinger along the bottom of Gamzee's mouth, tracing the slightly ragged skin of his lips. Said lips parted willingly, and Gamzee playfully darted his tongue out to brush along the pad of his forefinger. Closing his eyes briefly, the indigo purred. “Sweet like sugar. 's what you up and are.” Gamzee closed the distance between them, leaning down and in close, brushing his mouth along Dad's, his cheek catching the stubble that he had not taken the time to properly manage. If he were truthful, Dad would admit that he kept some of his facial hair for Gamzee who had expressed pleasure at the texture difference. From what he could tell, the trolls did not grow facial hair as young adults. 

 

Reaching a hand up and slipping his fingers through Gamzee's knotted curls he smiled against his lover's mouth. “Cake's gonna burn.” 

 

“Let it.” The insistence in the troll's tone was half impudence and half desire. Dad felt only slight regret in thwarting him. 

 

“If it were just us home, I would feel less concern in immolating our celebratory pastry. But I do not know surely whether or not consorts or our quadrantmates are home. Come now. There is time for intimacy yet.” Ducking under Gamzee's arm, he made for the door. The taller troll huffed, stealing his fedora and doffing it on his head in a fit of pique. It was part of their routine-- Dad made himself presentable and Gamzee stole his hat. If he were honest, Dad could admit that he rather liked the way the hat looked on his lover more so than he cared about it being on his own head. 

 

Taking the stairs two at a time Dad slid into the kitchen, shooing salamanders out of his path as he went. Amiably bubbling they made room for him, and subsequently Gamzee who came swaggering after, like a king inspecting his kingdom. The cake had browned perfectly and was wafting out vanilla whispers intermixed with notes of strawberry. Donning gloves he slid the cakes out of the oven, glancing over his shoulder to find Gamzee openly inspecting his posterior. Fixing the indigo with a coy look, Dad straightened and eased the cakes onto their warming trays. “There. An hour on the trays and they'll be cool or thirty seconds from John and they'll be frozen. Do we know if my errant Heir is home?” 

 

Closing his eyes and pursing his lips slightly Gamzee listened to nothing that Dad could hear. Satisfied by the results of his survey, he shook his head. “Mm-mm. He and the other brother of my heart are off elseways.” Gamzee always impressed him. The lyricism of his thoughts and the strange breadth of his powers were one little part of what made the Capricorn’s child the proverbial apple of his eye. Making sure the racks were fully secure on the counters he turned, beaming up at Gamzee. 

 

“Running then on the assumption we have some time to ourselves and will not be disturbing housemates, may I invite you to my room Mr Maka-RA oof!” Swung up into Gamzee's arms and very suddenly clear of the ground Dad looped his arms around the troll's neck, subconsciously clawing for balance. Turning and pressing his face to his, Gamzee purred against his ear. “Thought you would never ask, brother-mine.” 

 

Being in the arms of another while in transit via flash-step was disorienting. Curling his fingers into Gamzee's shirt Dad watched the paintings and decorations in the house whiz by. Generally he did not allow Gamzee to pick him up or restrict his movements. Much as he loved the troll, it set a troubling precedent. He supposed that he might allow just a little bit of tomfoolery on this night of all nights though. The grease-paint tasted waxy and disgusting and he wondered if his lover might mind if he took it off sooner rather than later. Having arrived, Dad swatted Gamzee on side. “Do not pick me up my boy. Not without permission first. It is demeaning.” 

 

Laughing above him, Gamzee cupped a hand along the back of his neck, running his thumb along his spine. “Yeah. Got it. Couldn't resist. You were looking too stoic and handsome. And like you really wanted to have less clothes on. Your eyes, they were telling me secrets.” 

 

Snorting, Dad left the fedora on Gamzee and brought his fingers to his collar, loosening it with exaggerated care. “My eyes may indeed have alluded to the fact that passionate love with you is on the agenda. Still. I mean it when I say, I can walk on my own. Might even race you up the stairs.” 

 

What was unsaid was the disturbing feeling of age that crept over him whenever he did not move under his own power. The idea that in a few years, ten, maybe twenty if he was lucky, his body would be frail and tired, haunted his steps. When that happened it really would be time to have arms tucked behind his knees and a hand quietly settled behind his neck. Fifty-eight was not too old. Gamzee frequently assured him that the streaks of silver at his temples were like little comet-tracks through the black of his hair and he liked the lines around his eyes. 'Proof of smiling enough' had been his succinct assessment. Dad could not fault himself either. Trimmer in the middle that he had ever been in his life and with arms and legs that compared admirably to all of the weekend triathletes he had known at the office, he was good. Truly and really he was in the golden years of his life, spending time with his child and lover and their extended family. 

 

Gamzee quietly watched him. Crossing the space between them he settled Dad's hat onto the hat-rack and reached down, tipping his face up to him. “You are getting an unnecessary think on 'bout unruly matters. It's putting a line 'tween your brows and taking the sparkle out of your smile. Stop.” 

 

Chuckling, Dad quirked a brow. “I am trying.” Looking up over the edge of his glasses, Gamzee was a heavenly blur of purple and gray. “What shall I focus on?” 

 

“How I am about to love you like you deserve.” 

 

“Oh.” Well then. They had a healthy sex life. Sometimes Gamzee was more assertive. Other times Dad lashed him down to the bed and paid lavish attention to any and every part of his troll that fancy took him to. That evening it seemed that Gamzee would be the one taking the lead. “Far be it for me to stop you at any task you might undertake, cupcake.” 

 

Flashing a fanged grin, Gamzee nodded, shucking his shirt with careless grace. “That's right. You just sit back and get your bliss on. I've got the rest. We'll apply frosting and other prettyparts later.” The cake had mostly slipped Dad's mind, the reminder made him answer Gamzee's grin with one of his own. “Certainly.” 

 

* 

 

Troll anatomy was magical. Dad had surveyed other options and come to the conclusion that the universe would give him no better. The sheets were a crumpled topography over to his right, and Gamzee another range to his left. Prospit was the moon in ascension at the moment and soft golden light filtered in through the window, setting off the troll's eyes. They looked like a lake full of lilacs, or bruised pools of purple dye in stark contrast to the yellow field that formed the rest of his eye. Taking a slow, deep breaths he stretched himself out, feeling something pop. Gamzee looped an arm tightly over his stomach, resettling closer. The time was fast approaching for a haircut, as his curls were out of control and encroaching on his face. It turned out that they did not take the face-paint off. Instead it was smeared wild and distorted where hands and mouths had settled. Chuckling, Dad eased himself up, folding his arms around Gamzee's one. “I just want lay and be lazy. But I will be honest with you. I can't do any more grease-paint in my mouth. It tastes abhorrent. Would you like me to get you a towel as well?” 

 

Rolling his face into the pillow, Gamzee nodded. “Hurry up,” came the mumbled reply. “Know you won't settle 'till you wash.” 

 

One could not say that Gamee did not know him well. Going and washing off, Dad found his true reflection peeking out of a scramble of white and other colors and he breathed a sigh of relief. It was one thing to indulge Gamzee a while. It was another to leave the evidence on. Coming back with another towel he tapped his fingers along Gamzee's hip until his troll rolled over, obediently scrubbing at his face until the white and gray came away. The used towel went over the side of the bed with a small whump and Dad could not find it in his heart to scold him. The pillows they had been using were a lost cause, but thankfully they had an infinite supply of theoretical objects to be made. 

 

Laying down on his chest and resting his head on an arm, Dad observed his lover who was doing his level best to imitate the disturbing way that pet cats stared blankly forward. “Hey.” 

 

“Hey.” The movement of the hair draped over his mouth was the proof that he had spoken. Reaching over and smoothing said hair back out of his face, Dad ran a thumb over his cheek. “I love you.” 

 

Gamzee turned his face into Dad's hand, brushing his lips along the lines of his palm. The expression on his face was complex-- a little sad, a little happy, very shy. It reminded him of the great power and duty he had to this boy, who could be a pill and a problem frequently; but who also had made the conscious decision to be vulnerable for him. That surrender and indulgence was a gift. 

 

“Got something I want to ask you.” 

 

Flipping his pillow over so that the grease-side was facing down, Dad nodded. “You know that I would answer anything that you have to ask me.” 

 

Gamzee mulled his question over a few moments longer, watching him in the odd light of the lighter of the two sister-moons. Prospit still loomed resplendent in the sky. “There is someone in the house. Someone other than the consorts and our people. I seen her sometimes. She's got blue hair and a wicked hat. Tastes and smells like you, when I feel you in my head. You and John ain't never said anything 'bout her. Who is she?” 

 

Pressing the butts of his palms to his eyes, Dad pressed his lips together in a tight line. The darkness made little explosions of light dance across his obscured field of vision. Gamzee Makara, inquisitor and poet. “She's.” It was hard to say it. It was something that by mutual agreement neither of them had discussed. “That person, the sprite, yes?” 

 

The fabric of the ruined pillowcases shuffled as Gamzee nodded. “That's the one.” 

 

“That... would be my lusus. She is—she was my mother.” 

 

“Why she up and hanging around these parts?” 

 

“Through a truly unfortunate series of events, her physical remains were prototyped with the kernelsprite.” 

 

“So she got a second go 'round at living then?” 

 

“NO!” The vehemence in his voice surprised him. Easing his hands away from his eyes to glance at Gamzee, the troll was unperturbed, horns swirling up into the darkness like flagpoles. “No.” It was gentler the second time. The small riot of feelings was easier to face. “My mother, the woman who was my lusus, died when I was your age. The sprite is a construct of the game.” Not so unlike himself, but Dad did not want to mention nor consider that fact. 

 

Gamzee leaned over, tracing his fingers along Dad's side, fingers mapping the rise and fall of his ribs, and the subtle curve of his hip. “Aren't we all, though? Just constructs of some disturbed miracle? 

 

I am from impossibly far away from you brother-love. Farther than I could ever possibly indulge myself to fathom. And you to me, the same. We could have never been sharing the same breaths, nor flushed-touch if it weren't for the 'constructed world' the game gave us. Consider, instead of getting your grief on, that this all is a second chance. A goddamn chance to do right and say what needs be said and do the things that need tending to. Maybe what you need to be doing is talking to your momma. Hurts your heart. Can tell, when you look at the picture you have of her. Doesn't make any sort of sense longing for someone so bad that is right there in front of you. You twist yourself up into knots and wonder why when you could just untwist.” 

 

Emphasizing the last part of his statement with a little firework-exploding gesture of fingers, Gamzee gave a brilliantly lopsided smile. “Anything that makes you or Karbro unhappy dies. 's the gospel right there. Gospel of the stars that whisper in my ears 'n the gospel of my private universe. But see brother, I can't hurt you for making yourself unhappy. Couldn't think to imagine the scenario it would be so. If I could, I would leave you and never up and come back, would be the right time for such things. So being that I cannot do a damn thing to ease your distress, you gotta up and save yourself from this nonsense.” 

 

The troll was so earnest it made Dad feel a bit silly for never having thought to speak to Nannasprite. Still there remained the fact that his mother – ex pinup model, comedian, and master-baker, had been dead 'since John had come into his life. It was a very neat trade-off, truth told. One person of importance left in an impossible event and another one joined. With a very colic-y infant on a hip and a tissue pressed to his face he made arrangements for her pertinent information put on the family plot and later took her ashes home to reside on the mantel. She would have gotten a kick out of the inverted-position of ashes, they were in fact supposed to be inside of the fire and not on top of it. The idea of even a little of her staying stationary in an internment wall for dust repulsed him, so home it had to be. 

 

Gamzee had adjusted to fit himself along the line of his spine, pressing drowsy kisses against the curve of his neck. “Get your sleep on. I've got you.” 

 

Dad could never deny him a thing. 

 

* 

 

\-- tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 17:08 -- 

 

TT: I have been dreaming a few things lately that appear to be more than casually relevant to our state of being. 

TT: John. 

TT: You should not leave your webcam on during such activities. 

EB: OH GEEZ. and I did not.

EB: liar. 

EB: you wouldn't even really need to use the webcam, would you? you just see with your creepy 'seeing things' skills. 

EB: Seer of Light? more like Perv of Light. don't deny what we all know already. 

TT: However could I even hope to defend myself against such stunning, and flawlessly presented accusations. 

TT: Particularly because they are true. 

TT: Nonetheless, and disregarding the frequency of your and Karkat's sexual congress, we need to discuss important matters. 

TT: Am I possessed of your devoted and undivided attention? 

EB: bluh! 

EB: I don't want you watching me without pants on. it's upsetting on some sort of a fundamental level. 

EB: even if you were my intended ecto-wife. 

TT: John.

EB: Hehehe. yeah 's fine. you've got me. 

EB: what is pressing hard on your mind fellow friendleader?

TT: It is not particularly a 'what' but rather the lack thereof that troubles me 

TT: When I look forward, things stop short. The horrorterrors are distressed and gesticulating and murmuring more frequently than usual. 

TT: I am not sure what that means, but I feel that it would be best I spoke with my other sight oriented players. 

TT: Could you pass a message to Dave for he and Terezi to meet me on LOLAR? 

TT: You are of course invited, and bring your clade if you wish. 

EB: you got it, of course. how come you can't tell Dave yourself? 

TT: Reasons. Of course. 

EB: of course. :p 

EB: tomorrow work for you?

TT: Fantastically. 

EB: we'll see you then. 

 

\-- ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 17:54 -- 

 

\-- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 18:01 -- 

 

EB: hey baby what you wearing? 

TG: you know 

TG: hot bitches and my own overwhelming radiant aura of general beneficence

TG: you

EB: 100% Skaian cotton 

EB: almost as delightful as your kisses over my bare skin.

EB: but have to say almost because it cannot compare to your lips. 

TG: that is the sad truth of it nothing can compare to the warm silk of my choice mouth even though many things would like to. 

TG: other than missing me

TG: 'sup

EB: assume the missing to be a universal constant. Rose wants a Seer party over at LOLAR. you are totally invited to be Terezi's arm décor for the evening. 

TG: goddamn its time to bust out the jimmy choos then isnt it

EB: it might very well be that time. 

TG: when

EB: tomorrow. she didn't specify but I'm sure that you'll figure it out. 

TG: … yeah 

TG: got it

TG: yeah you might want to bring your troll manharem to this one

TG as it intersects with my troll lady strike force and i think everyone should be together on this

EB: Dave is shit about to go down? 

TG: when isnt it 

EB: point. 

EB: see you tomorrow. 

TG: late

 

\-- ectoBiologist [EB] casesed pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 18:30 -- 


	2. Meeting

II. Meeting

LOLAR's distant peaks glittered in the setting of the planet's sun. Snapping into the Villa Lalonde, John, Karkat, Gamzee, and Sollux advanced toward the astronomy tower and the meeting that would soon be occurring. Sollux walked on John's right side, their fingers interlaced at the tips. After the stunt with the meteor he was no longer victim to visions on the same scale that he had been previously. Still, the hunch of his shoulders described the unrest he felt. At his left, Karkat moved purposefully. His troll beau was quickly outstripping him in terms of height. John sometimes wondered if Karkat would become a tower of terror like Gamzee or just settle for being a slight hazard to the doorways as compared to Gamzee's active threat to hanging lighting. Sollux had always been tall, but it was just getting more ludicrous as the years passed.

Turning and glancing at him, his Knight fixed him with a look of consternation. “What is it that she would want to talk to us about and why the need to haul us all together? Without physically disassembling the planets, every possibility that we could explore has been. Even the supposed 'dev kit' we've had hasn't done a whole lot other than take up egregious amounts of time and have really horrific UI. Who the fuck thought that white on white type was a great idea? An asshole, that's who.”

John shrugged. “I'm not really sure. But when Rose and Terezi talk, I tend to listen, y'know? Maybe she's found something.”

From the tone of their conversation the other day John did not hold out high hopes of that being the case. The same sinking feeling that he got when playing a videogame with quick time events had remained with him over the years. It began when he woke up from his quest bed. For years he had felt as if there was a big, long-term timer rolling and they were not executing their mission objectives. It was just a stupid feeling though, he could not back it up with either game mechanics nor fact. Nor a large timer hovering in space for that matter. Derse and Prospit were labeled, most of their planets had some sort of ornate text as identifiers. While John had kept an eye out for timers, he had found none. Nor had Dave mentioned anything. Both he and Aradia were active time players and would have said something if there was anything at all to be said.

The assembly started when they arrived. Jade had come as well, and Bec lay curled up under her chair at her feet. Grinning openly up at John, she waved at the group and went back to reading something on her laptop. As of late she had been engaged in a long-term project to map out and understand the space of their session. Scooting over to quickly squeeze her hello, he proceeded to bump fists with Dave and Terezi and give both Kanaya and Rose a hug. John settled himself in a chair while his trolls made the rounds as well. There was a buzz in the background of Alternian as greetings were exchanged. Sollux split from their side of the table to slouch into a chair next to the teal seer, pulling out a phone to quietly tap at it. Gamzee took the opposite side of Karkat from John, settling and lounging as if most of his bones had lost their shape. John did not miss the slight lip curl between Terezi and Gamzee but left it alone. Quadrants were not his business beyond if they upset his primary partners; though he could admit to some mad curiosity. Instead he redirected his attention to Rose, who was watching the assembled with patient silence. “Thank you all for coming.”

People settled and turned attention to her. Dave smirked. “Not like we have a million other irons in the fire to be tending anyway, right?”

“Would that it were so, I know. However, there may suddenly be an ironworks' worth of them here shortly. Let me pose a question to you. Mr. Captor and Ms. Pyrope aside, has anyone been having unusually strange dreams as of late?”

Gamzee snorted, raising his chin from his chest and fixing Rose with a relaxed stare. “Tenta-gurl, we are strange by definition. Most of my dreaming is bizarre. Got shadow-songs and light shows just waiting 'hind my lids and that's when I'm sober.” Snorting and tossing his head, he glanced over at Karkat and John and yielded to them.

Karkat had folded his arms tightly across his chest in what John recognized as the 'I am considering this deeply and look very grumpy while doing so' pose. “Not anything weirder than normal. I find myself in the unenviable position of having to agree with Gamzee. My subconscious has a buffet of rare and horrible delights to mix up and concoct shittier melodies and visuals than Dave could ever hope to produce. That said, my dreams are normal for what my pan produces.”

The Knight of Time scoffed and grinned, “you know you listen to my extended mixes as lullabies, Karkles.”

Karkat shot him a fondly irritated look and shook his head. “I value my sense of hearing.”

Rose cut in smoothly. “What about you, John?”

Looking up, he chewed on his lip, considering it. Most of his dreams were about flying, which was some of the most cliché crap he could possibly dream. Unfortunately his subconscious was not particularly inventive. Flight really was as awesome as he had thought it might be. Sometimes, though, there were dreams where couldn't breathe. Such a simple thing filled him with gross terror. Floating in a distorted starfield and staring up into the void, he would try as hard as he could to find moving air, to do what came naturally and draw it into his lungs. All that filled him was more panic and needle-like pain. The pressure would build and build until he woke up coughing and clawing at his throat. It felt real. Then again, terrors were just what they sounded like.

Still, it might be pertinent to share with the group. Experience showed that the more the Seers had to work with, the better their recommendations came out. “It's kind of stupid; but I have a recurring nightmare that I can't breathe. And I mean, that sounds dumb and it is dumb, but I'm in my Skaia-jams. That was never something that I dreamed about in-game before this dream. I would be wearing other stuff or you know, following the plot. But this one I'm always really aware of my body and what is going on. It started a couple of years ago. Pops up once in a while. It's probably nothing.”

Terezi and Sollux were watching him with twinned expressions of silent intensity. Terezi had steepled her fingers into a sharp point and was leaning forward. John always felt a little pinned under her gaze, even after her infectiously loud laugh soothed away the anxiety. Sollux also was watching with a calculating and somewhat distressed air. Seer and a Doom player. Dreams about dying. Really, it was probably nothing at all. Then again, the cliché argued those details were always the most critical. Terezi broke the silence first.

“How long have these dreams been occurring, my cinematically-inclined and oh-so-minty friend?”

“Uh. Dunno. Sweep or less.” At this point his brain auto-formatted. Sweeps for trolls. Years when talking to his friends and the adults in their lives.

“Has anything odd been happening at your home?”

“Yeth.” Sollux cut in at her side, device set down between his pointed elbows. “We found a dev kit thomewhere.It had thome crathy ath inthructionth in white text. Thinthe we have been mething with the code for the houthe it hath gotten a bit thtrange.” John had not correlated the two facts, but Sollux spoke the truth. Sometimes the paintings shifted and it could not be attributed to orcs or denizens. On the surface that did not mean anything to John, because they also had a prankster-sprite living with them. Terezi however, looked interested.

“I honestly just thought it was Nanna.” John glanced around his friends, curious for any other insight. Karkat had gone stormier than usual, expression transitioning from 'irritated but listening' to 'very irritated and thinking about a wide gamut of possibility while assigning blame'.

“And how long, gentlemen, have you been tinkering with the 'dev kit' you mentioned?”

John returned his attention to Sollux, who had the definitive answer on the subject. Bees gently orbited around his head. “'bouth a thweep.”

Terezi tapped her fingertips together in a slow rhythm, light from the skylight highlighting her red glasses. “I would like to know more about the effects and range of said kit at a later date.” Angling her head in Rose's direction, she lifted a brow. “Do you have any further questions, counsel?”

“For Jade.” Rose smiled at the nickname and glanced at their Space player. “How is the project proceeding?”

Jade faced the group, leaning forward to rest on her elbows. Becquerel's ears were two white pyramids perched at the horizon of the table. “Our space is doing something odd. I suppose that would be a given due the nature of the game. Still.” She wrinkled her nose up, nibbling on an encroaching piece of bang before continuing. “It's – well - it appears to be shrinking. I still don't know about range and whatnot, but – from the beginning of the game I have had a sense of space and depth. And our playable orbits are being reduced.”

Karkat and Terezi both rounded in to give her their undivided attention. Rose sat back in her chair, quietly observing, as she was wont to do. John took that information in and tried to understand what to do with it. “You mean like, our planets are reducing or what?”

Jade caught his eye and shook her head. “Mmm-mm. You know how the universe is expanding – theoretically? Well. Ours isn't. It's shrinking. And not in a predictable way. It's not a reverse of motion, but rather bits and pieces here and there. When I look into them, it's just static. Bec and I have jumped as far as we can and sometimes when we look out, there is nothing other than void.” Pausing to smooth a hand over Bec's ears, she looked down. The cast of her face telegraphed a sort of passive anxiety, and John found his own sense of unease growing.

“I'm not talking horrorterrors. I'm not talking about cosmic bodies.” Grappling for the right language she stared at him across the table. “It's more like an absence of something. I would say antimatter, but I don't know how that is visibly represented and from what I understand that is something that is in balance with the universe and belongs in it. When I look at this stuff it is like... I'm staring at the horror-mode boss that I stumbled into by accident and there is no hope of me leaving that battle alive. If I represent where 'is' and what one can do with physical circumstance, that is something that is my antithesis. And it's almost stupid to say that much about a big swathe of darkness. But it's an empty, active darkness.”

Fidgeting with her computer she tapped her forefingers over the keys, making noise without depressing them. “That's a paradox isn't it? Something being both empty and active? But it is. It's a moving darkness. Where it moves, there is no more. And there is nothing inside of it other than itself.”

Karkat broke the weird tension, irritation and worry rendering his words into barbs. “And when was it that you were going to see fit to elucidate us all to the fact that we are in a slowly crumbling incipisphere ?”

Jade shot him a glance back, mouth set in a frown, but eyes slightly lighter. Fighting with Karkat allowed her to focus on something other than worry. “When I could prove it, douchelord. If I said to you 'yo, I think that space is slowly and inexorably closing in on us at a rate that is observable within our natural lifespans' what would you say back?”

“I would say what the fuck do we do about it?”

The smile slipped out of Jade's eyes. “That's what I've been thinking about and I don't have an answer.”

At Rose's side Kanaya leaned forward with easy grace and caught Jade's eyes. “If possible, I would like you to show me to these places. I perhaps might be of some assistance in determining the quality and aspect of this void.” 

Jade flashed a grin back and nodded. “I'd think of it and forget. Yes! Thanks! I would love your help.”

John glanced over at Gamzee to see if he had thoughts on the matter. The troll sat oddly neutral, eyes half-lidded. There had to be some sort of a reason or explanation. “Maybe, I dunno, it's a game thing? Dave? Have you gotten any helpful hints from yourself?”

Their knight, uncharacteristically reserved up to that point, shook his head. “Before we got to this point I was in my own business frequently. There was a multiplicity of Daves. Lately though it's just been me myself and I. Even DS has been keeping a low profile. He mostly chills with Jade.” The witch nodded. “I can go edgeways and backward, but I can't go forward. If there is something worth knowing, future-me doesn't want to share.”

John tapped a forefinger against his bicep. “Look, I'm just going to throw this out there – does anyone else feel like there's a timer going and we've been sitting on our hands while it runs?”

“Every day of my life,” Karkat stared at him with frank irritation. “That was the story of mine and Sollux's lives from the time that we hatched.” 

Across from John, Sollux tapped at his screen in mild disgust. “Much ath it painth me to admit, yeth. Karkat hath the githt of it.”

“Perhaps a rephrase, Mr. minty-fresh?” Terezi was still watching the group with the speculative expression that translated into fierce amounts of pre-planning and shenanigans at large.

“I mean, you know in some games how you enter an area and a timer starts going? Like when we started the game we're playing now. There was the nausea-inducing three-something minutes of comet-doom. Dunno what your timer was like in sgrub, I can assume it was something equally terrifying.” John stood, the end of his hood curling and twining around his legs in the little breezes playing around him. Karkat's bangs rustled in front of his eyes. “I've just had this feeling for the last year or so, that the timer on a grander scale is running out. Dave. Help me out. You're our time guy and Aradia isn't here to corroborate me.”

Attention swiveled to Dave, who sat with chin in hands. The knight pushed his shades up his nose and nodded. “Time's funny. I've gotten more or less used to it over the years. There are a lot of different things running at all times – stopping and starting. Sometimes though when I let my attention wander, the abstract – the big picture of time starts to feel a bit inexorable. I figured that was just some sort of existential bullshit though. Didn't put any stock to it.”

“Maybe you should, timebro.” Gamzee unfolded out of his slouch. Kanaya's hand strayed briefly down to her hip – as if going for a chainsaw that was not there. Rose reached to her side, fingertips resting feather-light on her forearm. Karkat's shoulders had bunched as well, as if he were internally preparing for an argument or to have to defend Gamzee from everyone. No one had forgotten what Gamzee was responsible for.

“And why the fuck should I be considering the fact that eventually we will all die, particularly given the heinous and inevitable nature of the bullshit we live in?” Dave tilted his head in a mockingly coquettish manner.

“Because that end be coming so much faster than any of y'all realize.” Gamzee's pupils were dark like the sky just before true-night, mouth twisted into a half-grimace. “Most of that religious shit I got to was just that – load of hoofbeast shit. But there was a motherfucking grain of truth up in all of that righteous noise. And that is that things fucking end. They fucking come to dust and it is all laid to waste toward the greater purpose.” Waving a hand over his head vaguely, Gamzee stared at Rose in particular. “We are outta time. 'cuz we ain't the ones that are slaves to the purpose no more. If we ain't supporting it then we are goddamn bone-dust on the road and stardust in the sky. You know it, seer-girl. Stop dancing 'round and just out and say it.”

Rose cleared her throat. “Though I would not put it in quite that context, I agree with Mr. Makara.”

John and Karkat stared at her in confusion and vague animosity respectively. Sollux had returned to his phone with a vengeance, tipping and tapping. Kanaya probably had discussed this with her lover previously and rested her delicate face in a hand, watching the group in calculating silence. Jade was making notes in a notebook pulled from her modus, doing the kind of geometry that John assumed could also be used for demon-summoning. Terezi and Dave were hard to place in terms of the object of their attention, due to their dual habit of obscuring eyes. John could only assume they were staring too.

“What exactly are you saying Rose? I'm honestly not sure what Gamzee is saying...”

“He's saying that the world's ending.” Karkat bit off the end of the sentence like it had personally done him offense. “Which is crazy-indigo crap. We've been over this, but apparently it's a conversation that we will be having again in the near future.” Gamzee shifted weight in his seat, returning to his slouch and patiently ignoring Karkat.

“What Gamzee is saying John, in sort of a fanatic jargon, is that we are no longer part of the main timeline. As we are no longer the Alpha timeline we are stopping. This was a topic that Dave and I had discussed some years ago, and I have been both considering and observing the ramifications of it.” Dave had gone from detached to actively unhappy, the edges of his mouth set into a very hard line. Rose continued, laying out her points in a neat little row. “It seemed in most instances that timelines that did not serve or branch into the Alpha quickly finish. The occupants die, and the main thrust of sburb's 'story' continues – that of universe building. We have been given to reasonably expect that most quests fail and many people die. It is not then hard to assume that the game has a built-in mechanism for coping with that large amount of paradox. Further, it is not unreasonable to assume that it conserves its resources and recycles them – taking the junk data and reusing it or formatting it into the active and successful sessions occurring.”

John was starting to feel the scratching-hot horror of suffocation again, a ghost overlay of sensation from the real world that he was inhabiting. Rose's voice felt like a knife, cutting through any feelings of safety and security he had dared to feel. Reaching out to his side he brushed his fingers against the more blunt forms of Karkat's hand, lacing them tightly. Grudging, Karkat squeezed back, sitting up taller and looking a bit more assertive. John was both touched and oddly reassured. End of the world? No problem. Karkat Vantas has that crap on lockdown. It was nothing to even bat a lash at.

“I had always wondered what was weird about our session,” Rose was musing more to herself than the room. “I have thought about it a long time. According to Davesprite and a few of the other Daves, there were things that happened in other sessions that did not happen in ours. We never found the White King. Some of the triggers for Skaia's transitioning never occurred. I wondered whether or not that had something to do with our unusually long session. In truth I had even dared hope that we might in fact be in service to the Alpha timeline still. But that is not in fact the case. It simply took the game a while to decide that we are redundant.” Letting her thoughts sink in, Rose glanced over at Terezi. “Further thoughts, counsel?”

“I had always wondered why it was that our particular grouping had been chosen to move forward. My next question in regard to your theory simply is, what changed? What trigger did we hit? Or is it as Mr Minty-fresh implies and my radtacular raspberry coolkid alluded to. Have we run out of time?”

Jade kept scribbling frantically. “I think the bigger question is what do we do about it, personally. Not why, but what now?”

“Nothing.” Dave stared at them calmly. “When you aren't the Alpha player you die. That's just... kind of how sburb rolls. She is a fair and horrifying mistress. There can be only one. We weren't the ones.”

“I'm not just fucking giving up, Dave!” Jade frowned, and Karkat mirrored the ornery glint in her eyes. “I like being alive. I'm not ready to just kind of roll over and die.”

“It doesn't really have anything to do with readiness or rolling, actually. One way or the other. Shit's gonna happen if it's gonna happen. Rather than trying to subvert that, just enjoy the time you have with the people you love. Hallmark the fuck out of this shit because time is inexorable.” Dave folded his arms over his chest like a shield. John watched Dave retreat a little further inside of himself and did not completely understand it. Usually their knight was the one bringing levity to any given distressing situation.

“Perhapth and perhapth not.” Sollux pressed a thin hand over Dave's forearm, claw-tips lightly pressing down against his freckled skin. “Doom ith a part of exithtanthe. However. If I can get the kit to work, I may be able to program uth a pocket reality. Not an elegant solution, but better than being dead. Motht thingth are better than being dead.” Dave snorted, but did nothing to dislodge the hand that had come to rest on him.

“You know something about dead dude, I ain't going to fight you on it. Can agree that it's nothing I'm a fan of.” A vague smile passed over Sollux's mouth and John caught him mouthing 'coward' as Dave nudged him subtly in the ribs with his elbow.

*

Dad observed the kids file in and knew that events had proceeded in a stressful direction. Mr. Captor was a guest for the evening and he was subdued enough that he fussed with neither Karkat nor Gamzee. Glancing up and nodding in his direction, the lanky troll made his way up to the server-room and shut the door with a quiet click.

Karkat came in and headed for the kitchen, nodding to Dad as well. “Gonna start dinner, I think. You hungry?”

Charmed at the turnabout of usual things, Dad nodded. “I would appreciate other kitchen assistance, Mr. Vantas. You are welcome to the space. Just shout if you need anything from me.” 

Jerking his chin in acknowledgment, Karkat paused and gave a meaningful look at John before heading through the threshold to begin work.

Gamzee sidled through the room, making brief eye contact with him and then heading upstairs, sliding headphones into his ears as he took the stairs small groupings at a time. John was the end of the parade, looking a bit stunned. Sitting on the edge of the couch, Dad looked up at him and offered a little smile. “Can we talk?”

Grateful John settled himself on the opposite side of the couch, twisting and turning the end of his hood between his fingers, tug-tug-pull. “Yeah. Heh. I don't really know where to start.”

Dad took out his pipe, settling it into the corner of his mouth without lighting it. A distressingly persistent cough was enough of an inspiration to stop indulging in that particular habit so often. It felt good, though, to have the weight at the edge of his lips. “The beginning tends to work. You were at a meeting.”

Flopping backward, John nodded, flicking currents of air around them with little movements of his fingers. “Yeah. I was at a meeting. I didn't know it was going to turn into a 'serious business, oh shit things are going DOWN' meeting though. I thought we were planning a party. Dad... do you ever have dreams about dying?”

Weighing the pros against the cons, Dad opted for honesty. It was always his first impulse and tended to be the one that was the most correct. “Yes.”

John frowned, perhaps having expected a lie. “How do you die?”

“If it makes your mind easy, it's always a very abstracted experience. I am standing on one side of a wall and watching the group of you head forward. Miss Lalonde and young Master Strider are wearing god-tier finery, and you have your trolls with you in the myriad of emotional states they exist in.

“I am always calm. I stay back and you go forward. It's I think my brain's way of reminding me of the order of things. Eventually, whether we wish to or not, we grow older and we must stop to let the younger journey forward. I do not put any stock to these dreams. Why?”

“I dream that I'm suffocating.” John has put his hands to his throat, eyes fixed hard on the ceiling above him. “I'm suffocating and dark is closing in all around me.” It was not so unusual a dream for a young man under stress. Dad remained mum, curious to see where John would go with this train of thought. His boy turned on the couch and stared him down, painfully blue eyes like two glacial fronts. “Dad the game is shutting down.”

The words registered but the implications were muddy. “Beg pardon?”

“The game. Sburb. It's shutting down. There's a whole thing with tangent reality. I don't know if anyone ever really talked to you about it. We didn't really want to tell you, or Roxy, or Bro even. This game is not a session that theoretically can be won. Some weird stuff went on with it.” It was sweet that his son thought he needed to be guarded from the truth. There was a certain irony that their roles had been reversed. The reality of the situation was not one that needed explication, but Dad appreciated John's intent.

John was truly vexed by this turn of events. Dad could appreciate his anxiety. There was an unspoken understanding that most days the sun would rise, the moons would set and there was a continually extensive and enduring quality to the universe. To have that fundamental truth threatened would bring a sense of angst to anyone. “How do we know that the game is doing this?”

“The space players and the seers are having a hard time with things. The seers can't see forward, and the space people are telling us that our playable space is shrinking.”

“Then you have not received word from the game that you are out of time?”

“No. Not formally...” John continued to worry the end of his hood, twisting it into knots.

“I'm not going to tell you not to worry. The four of you and your associates know much more about this world than I ever could hope to. I simply am trying to ascertain how I can be of assistance. Has the elder Strider been informed? Or Mrs. Lalonde?” John's wide-eyed twitch answered that question. “Did you consider perhaps, they might like to help?”

“Ah. Well. I don't know Rose's mom really well and they don't really talk so I figured...” John trailed off into a mumble. 

Taking pity on his boy, Dad reached over and gave his shoulder a squeeze. “I'll talk to Roxy, John. Perhaps you could manage to convince Dave that it would be pertinent for his brother to know what is going on?”

In all of the years he had been in game, Dad had never formally come across the older Strider boy. Tales of malicious shenanigans and questionable puppetry preceded him. John looked up, caught his eye and offered a lopsided grin. “Uh. I'll try. Everything that I know about Bro says that he's some sort of insane genius. He might already know. I don't really know what he gets up to, honesty. I never met him.”

Dad straightened his tie -- a leftover habit from a leftover life. “All I ask is that you try. Would you like a hug?” Somewhere in things, he had gotten into the habit of asking before embracing his child. John was a man now, and sometimes a man did not want to be squashed against his parent. Only once or twice had that been the case in Dad’s own life, but he liked to offer John choices.

His boy leaned in, squeezed briefly and firmly and then nodded. “Good talk dad. ‘m gonna go and help Karkat.” 

Nodding, Dad rose and straightened himself further out. “If you will assist Mr. Vantas then I am going to go and speak briefly with Gamzee and then get in touch with Roxy. Do you require me to grab anything while I am out?” Once in a while the alchemization process required things that were not available on their planet and needed to be gleaned from other sources. 

“Grab some of the purple grist from Rose’s world if you are headed that way. Other than that, I think we’re good.” John’s form blurred as he shifted from the blues of his jams over into casual clothing. Dad did feel a tiny hint of jealousy regarding the utilitarian aspects of the game. The kids’ clothing did not require laundering. It mended and cleaned itself. “I’ll see what I can do. See you soon.” After leaving his shoes in the rack of the entryway hall closet, Dad padded upstairs and into his room. Gamzee was sprawled out on the big bed, body shaped into a curve, staring out the window at Derse. Advancing over to brush his fingers through Gamzee’s curls, he circled a finger and thumb at the base of his closest horn. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” 

“Nah.” 

“Because it’s distressing or you just don’t feel like talking about it?” 

“Both. Gotta find the words to deliver it rightly to you. Don’t have ‘em yet.” 

“Do you think you’ll have them tonight?” Dad toyed with his curls, gently pushing them down to watch them spring back to form. 

“No.” 

“You good if I travel a little then? I need to talk to Roxy.” 

“You gonna be kissin’ on that sister this evening, lover?” Gamzee turned his head, eyes tinted a strange middle-hue between their usual deep blue and something more vibrant. His voice was deceptively low in register, almost neutral. Dad tightened his grip slightly and stared down into Gamzee’s face. “A polite kiss on the cheek, Gamzee. I am not adulterous.” 

“Dunno what that shit means.” 

“Language.” Dad gave his horn a slight shake. Gamzee rocked with it, eyes still trained on him. 

“So you gonna?” 

“No. I love you. I would not have any sort of intimate relations with Mrs. Lalonde without thoroughly discussing it with you first, and possibly involving you. I will keep my conduct gentlemanly, as always.” 

Gamzee slid his eyes shut to slits, thrumming at him. “Got my unease on. Don’t need alcoholic bitches to be worrying about on top of everything else. Don’t like it none.” 

Dad reminded himself that it was not his place to slide down along Gamzee’s back and hug him against his chest -- that was Karkat’s department. “You should talk to your diamond, lover. Maybe help him with dinner?” 

“Mmngh.” 

“I’ll be back home later tonight. Take me to LOTAM? I want to go and sit in the balloon fields.” 

“Could get our sojourn on.” 

“I feel that would be a productive use of our time.” Tilting Gamzee’s head toward him he leaned down and kissed his troll slowly, tie gathering in the hollow of his throat. “I’ll see you soon.” Gamzee lazily papped his cheek, a bit sassy and quite fond, and nodded. 

* 

The transportalizer snapped behind him and the warm rain of Rose’s world showered down, in curtains of rainbow-tinted light. Things needed to be said. Roxy would know something about voids, he was sure of it.


	3. Midnight in the Crucible of the Stars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sex, restraint, the sky is falling, and Nanasprite. XD

“You're looking really well, Cade.”

Roxy's arms circled his shoulders and he drew her briefly in for a warm hug, surrounded by a complementary waft of bourbon and Channel. She was playing the part of mad scientist that evening, adorned in a severe white coat and a knitted scarf made out of bamboo yarn artfully tossed over her shoulders. The delicate stitching and pink shade bespoke the handiwork of the younger mistress of the house.

Dad delicately squeezed her waist, giving her a little spin and kissing her on the forehead. “You are as radiant as always, Mrs. Lalonde.” Roxy laughed quietly, eyes dancing and heavy-lidded. There was a heavy flush across her cheeks and a liquid quality to her eyes. Probably gin and tonic, given the hour of the day and the weather. She took a step back, glancing up and under the shadow cast by the brim of his hat.

“What brings you to me, dear?” Not quite drunk enough to slur. It was still early in the evening though.

“I wanted to talk about the kids. And blank spaces.”

Her mouth curved upward into a perfectly-painted grin. “Two of the most delightful topics, I do suppose. Come in. Let's have a glass and have this discussion.” Putting a little extra sashay into her walk, she glanced over her shoulder at him. “Don't suppose I could talk you into a little more than that?”

“On pain of clown-death no, I am truly sorry to have to turn an enchantress such as yourself down.”

Roxy laughed openly, slapping the door frame as they passed through it. “Your boy's a little territorial eh? Good enough, Cade. Good enough.”

It was a truly excellent Merlot that they opened that evening.

Sitting on her couch in the austere company of many decorative wizards, he set to the topic at hand.  
“I don’t suppose Rose has talked to you?”

“About the dead spaces? No. She and I don’t discuss things of importance really.” Roxy ran a finger slowly along the edge of the crystal glass she had carefully pulled out of a cabinet and watched the growing dusk outside. Planet-bound, time was more concrete. There were rising and setting suns. There were moons that orbited.

“But you knew about them?”

“Cade, I don’t have much else to do, other than whatever my imagination allows me and watching the stars!  And as you well know, inspiration only carries one so far without outside assistance. So I have been watching, and mapping.” Rising up with a slight wobble, she pulled a tablet out and laid it down. In small iconography, the incipisphere appeared. Their location was clearly marked, in addition to dots for all of the other active players. Rose and Miss Kanaya were somewhere on-planet, presumably seeing or doing something on their own time. Roxy zoomed out further and there were places scratched out, or showing gray. Tapping something she scaled the display back to a slightly different setting and pressed a play button. Dad watched as bits and pieces disappeared, starting at the edges and then appearing with no rhyme or reason within their game-space.

“The frequency has gone up.” Roxy settled heavily against the couch, heels kicked off and stocking-clad feet sliding slightly on the tile. “And the space that they show up in has widened. I have tried to discover  why new territories are chosen and for what reason; but there is nothing that is immediately apparent.”

Taking a long drink from her glass, she flipped to a different page. “I’ve pulled a copy of whatever program the kids are using. The one that acts a lot like a server client in terms of access. Only it can access sessions that I can’t touch. Which is impressive network security, let me tell you! Only...” she put the glass down heavily. The crystal sang out, a loud, almost painful noise. “I turned the program to us-- one is wont to do that are they not? If you cannot understand anything by gazing outward-- like why all of the handsome men in my life insist on kissing one-another and trolls and not me? Well then! You have to look inward.” Dad took no exception to her statement, the tone conveyed very completely that she was teasing him.

“Our game data is wrong, Cade.”

He looked up at her, letting the smile slip off his face. “How so?” This followed his assumptions about being a game-glitch. Still, usually Roxy was full of playful ideas and interesting solutions to complex problems. 

“It has us listed as carapaces. Maybe that is how we’re playing in the first place. I do mean playing with air quotes around it, if you couldn’t tell.”

“I could surmise as much, yes.”

“So, if the data structure around us stops or rewrites, we go with the game. Or so it seems to be when things are operating within parameters. The game has levels of ‘success’ depending on a truly dizzying number of factors. Remind me to show you my whiteboard sometime. At this point I may start a cult devoted to conditional data. Get it tattooed on my knuckles. ‘If’ on one side, ‘Then’ on the other.”

She was rambling, but going somewhere in her verbal travels. Dad let her talk, observing her slowly prowl around her sofa as if it offended her. “There is a large event-trigger that has been missed. Most of the conditionals that I have access to show that this game has no ‘good’ endings left. I use the term good in the vaguest way possible.”

The situation was beginning to sound apocalyptic. “How do we take care of the kids?”

Alighting on the end of the couch Roxy took the last of his wine for herself, finishing it in a couple of brisk swallows. “We build them a new game or find some way of getting them into a playable space that is not here. I'm going to look further into why we are mis-tagged. That is dogging me but I can't see it as anything more significant than a glitch. As for the kids, I'm just going to let them be happy for as long as they can. The game is not stopping, or doing something strange. The game is shutting down. Our session is null.”

*

The house was quiet and John found it very strange. Usually something was moving – the bees=flitting about,  salamanders drifting in and out, his dad fixing something, Gamzee juggling, Karkat growling at something. Instead, the house was still. It took him uncomfortably back to the time he opened his eyes for the first time in game. Everything that was usual about his home was subtly off. It was not the positioning of objects, nor was it the sudden dark. The starkest transition had been from the buzz of suburbia to the complete stillness of the incipisphere.

Somewhere overhead a loud thump and growls broke the spell of the quiet and John breathed out. It had felt just for a few seconds like he was in that time again and he was going to find imps to fight and a missing father. Skipping up the steps rather than flying, he glanced into his room to catch Karkat knocking Sollux's head into the bed frame. His lover was smirking at Sollux and mouthing something against Sollux's aurals, too quiet to be easily understood. Sollux barked a reply back up at him, swiping his glasses off his face and settling them onto the side table, obviously a bit dizzy from the strike. He pushed at Karkat, but encountered air as the more solid troll slid to the side.

They wrestled, nipping and growling. Rather than trying to build distance and effectively strife, they seemed to be closing in on one-another. Droplets of red and yellow blossomed on skin where claws dug in. Karkat suffered a rather impressive scrape along one leg from where Sollux caught him with a toe-claw. From there it was a flurry of angry, biting kisses and grinding bodies. Every scratch and bite could easily turn brutal, and it made him uncomfortable. There was a twisting knot of desire and dread in the pit of his stomach and the feelings were not sorting themselves neatly, instead writhing round in a hard mass as he observed.

“Jesus christ why do you two have to go so hard?!” With everything that had happened that day John was feeling a little protective and a little culturally insensitive. It was okay to admit it once in a while. Blackrom was something that he did not really -get- and it had unsettling implications that he did not enjoy confronting.

Karkat pushed the back of Sollux's head down, hand tightly fisted into his hair, forcing it at a harsh angle down onto the mattress. He had positioned himself with hips canted sharply into Sollux's, and wet sounds added to the small symphony of sexually-charged noise in the room. Digging his nails into the skin of Sollux's shoulder Karkat smirked as Sollux hissed softly, mouth open and glittering trails of saliva spread down his jaw. Presumably he had been panting open-mouthed prior to the interruption.

Karkat flicked his eyes up to meet John's, and he was given pause where he stood in the doorway. When they had sex, it was sometimes funny, often times highly tender, and sometimes hot and fast on the couch. This was something very different. His lover radiated superiority and power, red eyes flashing and every muscle in his body toned and taut. “Sit your ass down Egbert, I'm going to school you while I fuck him.” John sat his ass down on the opposite side of the bed from Karkat, facing the crown of Sollux's head where his horns bit into the pillows and watching Karkat's face as he resumed what he was doing, grunting softly.

“I go so hard,” he said, breath halting and a furious desire in his tone, “because to do otherwise is a disservice to this piece of shit.” Slapping one of Sollux's hands, Karkat yanked it hard behind his back and held it there, preventing Sollux from attending to his swollen and plaintively curling bulge. His other arm was dedicated to keeping Sollux upright, and reaching would set them both off-balance. The organ twisted and curled and Sollux growled, sparks surrounding the pair of them and causing John's hair to raise slightly in the field that they created. Karkat blithely ignored the slight scent of ozone and the prickling feeling.

“I go so hard-” he adjusted his hips and thrust in hard, causing Sollux to yelp, the orange tinted mix of their genetic material sliding down his thighs. “Nng—because that is his right as my motherfucking kismesis. He is my rival. Nemis-oh shit-nemisis. He is my endgame. If every goddamn move that I make is not to systematically force him to get better to beat me, I'd better pack up my fucking shit and go home because playtime is over! Everything that I touch and do to him gathers intelligence toward my ultimate conquest. All things should be a calculated attempt to strike at his softest parts and shore him up so he just comes back and hits me harder!” There was a glassy look to Karkat's eyes and the flush on his face told John that he was close. He flexed his fingers hard against Sollux's hips, pale yellow-gray points appearing on his skin under the pressure. Belatedly, John realized that the seeing-eye bees were nowhere to be found. Presumably they had gotten wind of the goings on and returned to the hive.

Sollux shivered beneath Karkat, spine in relief under his skin from the painful angle. Every twist that Karkat made inside of him summoned snarls and soft chirps. He rutted back against Karkat, hips snapping and twisting, going intentionally off-tempo to the pace of subtle rocks and curls that Karkat had set. Every bit of sass was rewarded with a scratch or a stinging slap. One of them landed along the swollen length hanging against Sollux's thigh which caused a litany of profanity. John wanted to reach in and give him a little help with the bulge situation; but the look that Karkat had him fixed with caused him heavy pause. Instead, John sat there with an increasingly strange boner, and watched as his boyfriend scratched and fucked his other boyfriend, murmuring low in Alternian.

Sollux swore, head canted back in Karkat's general direction and John caught words here and there. 'Hate', 'small', 'don't', and their clade-favorite 'going to fuck you in the throat until you choke'. John had the dubious pleasure of that tidbit thanks to Gamzee's helpful translation skills. Sparks danced and flickered against Karkat's skin, and some of his gasps were pain. There was a sudden tipping point, where Karkat hauled Sollux's hips against him with an audible slap and settled with a long, shaking exhalation. Sollux trembled furiously, fangs worked into his bottom lip, just waiting for the time to strike, as fluid slipped down his legs, nook looking somewhat abused. Karkat pulled out lazily, flopping backward onto the bed, ignoring Sollux entirely, instead watching John.

“I go hard because that is what spades do. We spent our whole lives being afraid, then the game, and then more time being goddamn mortified and running all the fuck over the place. Everything leading to this point has been at full volume and as fast and intensely as we could. It is a dishonor to all that we did to get here, just to roll over and be scared of something that we can do nothing about. MOTHERFUCKER 'm talking to Joh-”

Sollux had recovered sufficiently to roll bodily over and pin Karkat. Teeth bared in a snarling-smirk, the taller troll forced Karkat's legs apart with his hips, weight squarely on his torso to prevent further dissent. “I don't really give a flying fuck what you are talking about. Everything that cometh out of your mouth is an egregiouth wathte of air.”

Palming the inside of Karkat's knee he directed it further out, settling their hips together before pushing into Karkat with a vicious swipe of his hips. Humming low in his throat, the psiionic settled, adjusting with a little wiggle, letting his generous length lash inside of their partner. Karkat choked back a growl at him, eyes half-lidded and fixed on the ceiling. John saw how wet he was-- what could have been quite a painful thrust was rough and fast, rather than agonizing. In spite of Sollux and the slick sounds their bodies were making, he turned back to John, intent on finishing his thought. His voice wavered, sibilant and thick.

“I need to love you like it is in the movies. That's what I try to do. The game gave us this shitty strange little pocket where everything mmmmhhh!” Karkat broke off, voice rising up high into a keen as Sollux circled his waist and dragged claws down over his ribs, fingers bumping over the raised surface of his grubscars. “is okay!” Finishing the thought, he caught a firm hold of Sollux's shoulder and hauled up to bite at his throat. The ozone smell intensified and Karkat was pushed down onto the bed, arms above his head, almost as if he had set them there.

John knew better. The pressure in the air said psychic fuckery. Sollux had pulled that on him before, pinning him down without having to use his hands. The first time it had happened John had to tap out and ask him not to. The loss of control, even to someone that he trusted implicitly was distressing. Karkat was just mad. Then again, Karkat was mad about everything. Leering, completely comfortable bulge-deep in Karkat, Sollux slid his attention to John. “Get the pantth off already. And get yourthelf in hith mouth tho he'll thtop fucking talking.” 

That sounded incredible. Quirking a brow at Karkat, he received a tiny nod and slipped his pants down, shivering a little at the temperature change. Easing himself over to kneel over Karkat's face he brushed a hand quietly over one of his cheeks, and grabbed a pillow, folding it over to prop Karkat up and keep him from an awkward angle with his arms pinned.

Instead of being irritated by the proceeding, Karkat looked pleased like a cat that got the cream, licking a playful swipe along the underside of John’s enthusiastic hard-on . “You sure you don't want me to finish what I had to say?”

John ran a hand through his hair, grinning ruefully. “What the emperor wants, the emperor has. He has decreed that it's time for your mouth to meet the D. I can't say I'm actually sorry about this fate.”

Karkat ran his cheek along the length before him, nuzzling. “Mm.” Easing up, he slipped the edge of him into his mouth, and John dropped his head back with a low groan. Sollux had edged forward with a contented hum to slide his hands along John's stomach, the pressure causing his muscles to contract. Keeping one hand in Karkat's hair he turned to kiss his diamond. Sollux met his mouth with practiced ease, trading kisses back and forth quietly. 

~This is the best way to have KK. Quiet and full. Y/Y?~ It was the best when Sollux whispered in his head. It felt a little like the slow drone of bees, or a chorus of two different voices at the same time. The alternian words and the implied meaning overlaying each other in a song. John laughed a little, the sound shifting over to a whimper as Karkat swirled his tongue lazily around the head of his dick. “Yes,” he whispered, sliding his hips forward slightly while keeping an eye on Karkat to make sure he did not choke him. Karkat seemed comfortable enough, giving voice to the occasional sigh or whimper, mouthful of John and nookfull of Sollux.

The conversation quieted a little as all parts of the operation focused more on what was going on. Karkat growled and shook, sucking and rolling his hips in equal measure. John relished in every movement, in the smooth glide of his mouth along his dick and the topography of his throat when he arched back to gasp. Sollux was chirring against his shoulder, cozied forward to lean against John's back while his hips punished. Beneath him the quality of Karkat's breathing had changed, and his eyes were not fixed on John, or on anything. His fingers curled ineffectually against his palms where his hands were still held over his head, and he clenched his legs around Sollux's waist, moving in time with the flicks and lashes of the bulge inside of him.

Easing back a little to give his lover a little air, he whispered at Sollux. “Little harder and you're gonna get him there. Otherwise you're not and he's gonna bite me. So please, for the sake of my future offspring and sloppy makeouts, get him off?” His ears were burning and while this was the best use of time he had found in a while, the dynamic was different than he was used to. Sex with Sollux was super-intimate and fleetingly rare. Being 'rails with pails was not as complicated as he feared. Sex with Karkat was multifaceted and tinted with the necessity of the moment. This was a new thing. They had been together as a trio once previously, but Sollux was a less participatory partner. Sidled up along John's side in bed he had kissed him slow and lazy while Karkat made it good enough that he wanted to scream. 

The magnanimity of a moment before passed when Sollux nipped his earlobe and rasped a suggestion. “Pothition change. I want to be inthide him with you. He'll like it.”

John could not say for sure that Karkat would like it, but he had not heard the suggestion. Easing off of his shoulders and ruffling a hand through Karkat's hair, he ghosted his fingertips over his horns. “Lineup change. Sollux sucks at this so I'm taking over.” 

Karkat flashed a smirk at him, mouth swollen from kisses and tinted rose from cheeks to chest. “You're goddamn right he does. Get in there Egbert.” There was a thrum and a smile in his words, but under that a little bit of a hitch. 

Glancing over his shoulder to his diamond to release Karkat's hands, John eased him into a sitting position, sliding a hand slowly over his bulge and stroking his thumb slowly along its base. It coiled itself with frantic tightness around his wrist and Karkat growled out relief. “Pity you,” he promised it against Karkat's lips, too soft to be heard by anyone other than the two of them.

Thrumming in response, Karkat wrapped his arms around John's shoulders. “How we doing this?”

John kissed his jaw, lingering at the corner where his mouth usually turned down in a scowl. “You okay with both of us in you at once?”

“Mother. Fuck.” Karkat stared at John's clavicles for inspiration. John would not blame him if he did not want to; he certainly did not want two people in him at the same time. “Yeah. Yeah 'm okay with it. Sit back.”

There was shuffling on the bed as John sat back, and Karkat  eased  himself across  John’s lap, facing outward with legs spread wide open and nook on display for Sollux, who reclined on his side. Adjusting himself carefully, Karkat slid back onto John, groaning his way down. It was slick and hot and John echoed the noise. Settled and comfortable, Karkat leveled his scowl at Sollux. “If we're doing this, fucking do it.”

“Thought you would never athk.”

The sensation was strange for John, having Sollux coil himself up into the warm tightness of Karkat. It was already a close fit, and with Sollux it was almost impossible. It upgraded from strange to awesome when Sollux's bulge rippled against him. Karkat made a noise somewhere between cricket and squeak which devolved quickly into a muttered litany of “fuck fuck fuck.” His claws dug into into John's knee. His other hand was wrapped around Sollux's waist,  claws dug in deep enough to bring blood to the surface of Sollux's skin.

Easing carefully forward, shuddering at the pressure on his cock as he did, John kissed Karkat's neck. “How we doing? This thing gonna happen or do you want to stop?” It was still plenty slick, and it did not seem that arousal would be the issue. It was more logistics and how much Karkat was comfortable with. 

Sollux snorted and John reached over Karkat's shoulder to pap him the mouth. “Shush. This is officially a black-tinted flush date and we believe in consent in those. You two can go back to biting and fucking the shit out of each other when I'm not here.”

Karkat wiggled his hips a bit, trying to find a good angle. Balancing himself on Sollux's shoulders, keeping his head down so his throat was not bared to his kismesis, Karkat nodded a little. “Hands on my hips. And bulge. Y’know if you could be bothered to see to that sometime soon that would be amazing. Captor I swear to god if you bulgeblock me anymore I'm going to take all of your apiculture shit and set it on fire on the lawn. “

Sollux chortled but kept peace until Karkat was settled. “Gentlemen, as you were.”

It was not exactly what John expected. He and Karkat had found a truce in terms of penetrative sex. The trolls did not naturally incorporate heavy thrusting as a part of their mating behaviors. Karkat had explained that all of the movement was strange and pleasant, and sex between the two of them was closer to human-standard than not. Between two trolls the emphasis rested in the shift and curl of the bulges, and how it stimulated things it could reach. Sollux and he found it more productive to slightly roll and wiggle together, rather than go for aggressive pushing. His hips still twitched, and he wanted to really go for it-- instead he rolled and rocked, aided by Sollux's bulge half-curled around his dick. Karkat was making a set of noises John never had been privy to, his head lolled back to rest against John's shoulder, shivering with every shimmy. Easing his fingers down he curled Karkat's bulge around his hand, stroking and very carefully squeezing in time to his and Sollux's shifting. “That feeling good?”

Wet trails glittered against his knuckles, and Karkat looked like he was lost. “Mnghf”

“Excellent.”

It did not take too much longer to ramp Karkat back to panting. John felt sweat rolling down his neck and shoulders, and chased away some of the discomfort with a small breeze passing through the room. The shifting was teasing him terribly and he almost ached from the tension of it – how tight Karkat was and the curl and pulse of Sollux's bulge. Something needed to happen, and break the spell of his boyfriend with his clenched jaw and slow groans, and his other boyfriend who had the ‘I am doing something really fucking important right now, don’t distract me’ face. Nipping at Karkat’s throat he pulled harder, working his hand round Karkat. He jerked, shaking in his head a little. “Mmmgn. If you fucking stop I will make you s-leep on the couch-” Karkat broke off into almost a crooning sob, hips rolling forward and into the pressure on his bulge.

Yup. That was pretty hot. John added a little more shake to his hips, vying with Sollux who had captured a lip between his teeth and was thrumming, eyes glittering in time with his deep breaths. Orgasm found him first and there was no way to warn Karkat about it. He did not like to come inside of either of them without at least a heads up, as there was kind of a cultural taboo about that sort of thing. Still, it was time and with Sollux still twined around him he was not going anywhere. Karkat gave up with a small sigh, brow creasing furiously and a little genetic material making its way down to the bed. Easing himself out carefully, John made room for Sollux, who pressed in close and finished himself quickly.

Karkat pushed John over, settling onto his chest and easing his legs closed carefully. Swatting at Sollux he banished him to John’s other side. Dually relegated, Sollux sidled up to his free side and rested his chin on his shoulder, pulling a PDA out to go back to his forums- still sticky and carefree about it. Letting out a long sigh, Karkat pressed his face against John’s shoulder. “No more of that for a while. Tired. Either that or we both get to fuck you instead. Or even better, we fuck Captor. He’s kinky. We can invite the rest of his clade...” Sollux zapped him with a little bolt of energy and Karkat merely raised a middle finger in salute before turning more fully against John’s shoulder to rest.

John sat in the wet spot like the excellent man he was, and thought of stars.

*

Pulling his tie down away from his collar Dad returned to a quiet house. Most of the lights were off, save a few in the kitchen and a few upstairs. Briefly checking on his young men found Sollux curled up on one side of the bed with his cell, tapping away with his bee assistance. John and Karkat were passed out, sopor sheets wrapped around the two trolls and his son curled up just outside of them, one leg hanging  out akimbo. John was drooling a little, mouth open and untroubled. Waving in Sollux's direction he closed the door – leaving a sliver of light to come through. Ascending another flight of stairs he came to his room and his lover.

Gamzee sat still as a stone at the end of the bed, legs folded up and palms resting upward in his lap. Curls obscured his eyes; the only indication Dad had that the boy was awake was a resonant purr that followed his entrance. “You come back with answers, dearest motherfucker?”

Apparently Gamzee was in a mood. Walking forward briskly, Dad nodded. Knotting his hands into Gamzee's curls he pushed them back away from his eyes, thinking that perhaps they would get him a bandana or tie of one form or another. “No time with Karkat today?”

“This juggalo-ass remains thoroughly rowdy. No hands got their pap on. Warmbro was preoccupied.”

Large hands came up to his throat, reverent and feather-light in their touches. Gamzee undid the knot of his tie, taking the cloth and draping it very precisely over his arm. Next came the cuff-links, carefully put into their box. The indigo rose, quietly undoing Dad's buttons and fastenings, putting the hat in its place of honor atop the hat-rack.

Dad shrugged out of his shirt, and left his pants on for the moment, twisting and weighing his belt in his hands, and looking at his lover.

“On the bed.”

Gamzee paused, and then glanced over his shoulder, eyes narrowing in curiosity.

“Do I have to repeat myself?”

Sliding down into a sitting position, Gamzee sat at attention, back straight and face attentive. Dad approached, reaching forward and brushing his palms along his sharp cheeks. “I'm going to handle you today. Not Karkat. How does that sound?”

“Honk.” It was more breathed out than answered, Gamzee's pupils were blown out, and a crooked smile curved his mouth. Placing two succinct kisses on the inside of Dad's palms, he waited. “Just get your command on Daddy. You tell me what needs doing n' it gets done.”

“Take your clothes off. Do not throw them. I will be attending to the extra equipment.” The very idea of Gamzee settled down and in order made heat clench up in his belly. His troll was divine, shamelessly delighted by touch and force and beautifully unafraid of his own skin. When he turned his attention back to the bed he found the troll nude and waiting, hands clasped in his lap.

The toy chest sat discretely in the corner. It was a tasteful mahogany to match the rest of the bedroom set and there were a few harlequins set on top of it. Opening it, Dad selected four cuffs and attendant chords. They had created a much sturdier frame than the one that the bed had originally sported. The new one stood up to duress and extra duties much better than wood. Dad had installed anchors for chains and leads that were sturdy enough to withstand their combined enthusiasm. Taking care in attaching the lines, he stood in front of Gamzee, between his knees. “Wrists.”

They were offered without complaint, hands palm-up and fingers relaxed rather than bunched into fists. He was such a good boy. All he really wanted to do was spoil Gamzee. Experience, however warned that discipline was necessary and correct. There needed first to be order and routine and then there could be treats. Sliding the cuffs on, he set them to where he wanted them. Snug, but not so tight that they would chafe. Gamzee liked it when they chafed; but it was not Gamzee's decision. Satisfied with his work, Dad nodded. “Get settled in.”

Gamzee lay back with his arms flung comfortably over his head. Pulling his feet up to tuck against his butt, he thrummed at Dad, in a good mood and anticipating direction. Offering first one foot and then the other, those were also shackled at the ankles and lines fastened. Splayed at the waist, Dad could see a glitter of moisture along his nook, and a subtle flash of bulge. All of that would be attended to on his time. 

This worked for them because Gamzee did not have control. Just submission and comfort and structure. It was what he craved, and Dad loved to give it to him. “You are being oh-so-good. This is not a night for pain. You understand?”

A nod, eyes settling from watchful to restive. “Yes Daddy.” Stroking the beautiful curve of one of Gamzee's horns, he went about securing his hands next. The troll sighed, thrumming a long and musical note low in his chest. “Safe n' sound,” he murmured and nodded. “Thank you.”

“Of course. Anything for you.” Leaning down Dad pressed a slow kiss between his eyes. “I'm going to take such good care of you. I've got you. Do you feel secure?”

Tugging at the restraints gently Gamzee shuffled and settled himself along the bed, and nodded. “Yes.”

Dad mounted the bed, easing out of his pants and laying them along side the hamper. It was the force of long habit, not to throw dress-slacks on the floor. Easing his boxers off as well, his erection was free to the air. Easing himself up along Gamzee's stomach he settled himself against the moist parts of his beau, gently rubbing himself along the folds. Under him his troll whimpered, bulge gently swaying and seeking something to occupy itself with. Capturing the organ, Dad looked at him pointedly. “Whose are you?” 

The curve of his open mouth looked like something out of a classical work of art. “Yours.”

“Who do you trust?”

“You 'n Karkat.”

“Who loves you?”

“You and Karkat.”

“You are a good boy.” Pressing a kiss into the curve of Gamzee's abdomen where his bellybutton would have been, Dad looked up at him calmly.

“Tell me what you want.”

“I want your tongue 'nside of me. 'N I want you to make love to me.” They were getting somewhere with words. The term 'fucking' was entirely overused in their household and not appropriate for coital activities. It was also a gross-turnoff for Dad. A beautifully articulate request like that however? How could he refuse?

*

Dad thoroughly explored all parts of his prone lover and was slowly moving inside of him, enjoying the last vestiges of climax, when he noticed that Gamzee's lips were moving. The indigo troll had his eyes closed, face half-buried in his arm. However, his mouth shaped silent words. This was distressing. Pulling out and taking a moment to detach the leads on Gamzee's wrists, he sat next to his shoulders.

“Gamzee?” He kept his tone lighter than his bedroom voice, consciously trying to bring normalcy back to the situation. Gamzee turned and stared up at him, voice husky.

“There's gonna be a choice. Motherfucking door is going to open and 'mma be myself but a little like the me that never met you. They're gonna go through and everything is gonna be flashing n' bright and strange. Strange children gonna usher us into a better place. But you're gonna have to disappear a while and I'm not about it. I've been forward and backward and timesis says there's nothing for it but to let it happen.”

Gamzee was making no sense. “I need you to stop and really focus on your thoughts. Were you dreaming? Did one of the time players talk to you?”

Wild-eyed, Gamzee twisted toward him, legs still attached to the foot of the bed. Staring at Dad, he rested a hand along his face. Leaning down to undo his ankles as well, Dad pulled Gamzee up and tucked him against his shoulder, resting his chin between his horns. “All of this is stressful for everyone. Is it bothering you? Is there something that was discussed at the meeting that you want to talk through?” Obviously something was wrong. Gamzee was slow to wind his arms around him, careful like he thought Dad might break.

“Just-- 'm not ready for the part that is hard. 've talked with 'radia n' motherfucking miracles are gonna occur. But--the middle part makes a brother want to get his pie on right? Haven't wanted that shit in years.” If he wanted sopor for addictive reasons, things were more serious than Dad had feared. Frowning, he smoothed his palms up along the back-curve of Gamzee’s horns, chafing a little. “I don’t think that is a good plan at all, love. I will be honest with you Gamzee, I have no idea what you are talking about and I'm worried.” The genetic material on his thighs was drying to be slightly tacky, and he wanted to get the cuffs off. Sitting back from him, he followed his impulse, and made a vague collection of them on the floor. There would be time to address them later. Gamzee observed the proceedings in a detached silence, mouth fixed into a vague grimace. 

Returning to the bed, he stretched out and waited until Gamzee joined him. “Now. My dear one. Run me through this concern of yours in a linear fashion. What is going to happen?” 

Gamzee took a deep breath. “The whispers and the voodoo 'been singing the same song to me for over a perigee. It starts out real goddamn quiet. Space 'round us starts to crack and get all backward. There is this wicked static and if you try to walk through it you start to crack too. Jadesis an Maryam can't do nothin' to touch it 'cuz it is outside of anything any of us can do. It's gonna get real close – they like to laugh at me 'bout it. And then just when it seems like we're all gonna suffocate in the stillness there's a door. There's a motherfucking door and my main timebitch assures me that we gonna get our asses through it and it's going to be better there. She n' motherfuckingstrider can't see what is beyond. They ain't visited themselves. I just see this piece of shit and all of it's colorful goddamn windows.” 

Privately Dad could appreciate that Dave had been elongated to 'motherfuckingstrider'. The rest of it sounded like the stuff of nightmares. “So, theoretically space encroaches upon us. And then at the last moment there is an exit. And colored lights?” 

Gamzee thrummed. “'s about the sum of it.” 

“What is it that happens to me?” 

“You can't go through the door with me, brother. I hit at it and I scream at it and there's nothing that I can do. You stay on one side with the smile on your face like you got all the time and it's so ridiculous that I would think it's some cosmic motherfucking joke if my fingers weren't going numb!” Gamzee's fangs were half-exposed and the primal distress on his face caused Dad's gut to knot up. 

“ Do you know why I can't pass?” Attempting to soothe him, Dad tucked his hair out of his face, running hands along the flat planes of his cheeks and then down the curve of his neck. The tendons in his throat were taut like cable. 

“You jus' can't. You're all standing there in white, looking fucking good enough to eat, with some bigass motherfucker of a book under your arm, just watching me. And I know I gotta go, but I don't want to. Then I do.” Crestfallen, Gamzee hauled Dad against the longer expanse of his body, curling around him protectively. “Just...shit ain't fair. Shit ain't solid. I went through a goddamn lot to get here and it's good. You are something I never expected to find. When I thought about miracles I just thought about something where I was kinda set n' comfortable-like. Instead, universe all up and handed my ass you n' Karbro n' a chance not to be a fuckoff. Ain't giving all that up for some giant door.” 

Dad settled against Gamzee's chest, face smashed against his sternum. "Sweetheart.” Brushing his fingers over the bottom of Gamzee's lips, Dad looked up at him and tried to get through. “We were going to run into this sometime. I assume you would have run into this too with your quadrantmates back home. Someday, God willing not anytime soon, I will die. My species does not live more than a handful of years. When the time comes for parting, it is always hard. But you can go forward with Karkat, with the others. I would hope that you go forward bettered by our time together. I think that perhaps your dream has a little to do with the stress of not knowing what is going on with the game and uncertainty.” 

Rolling onto his side, Dad wormed a leg through Gamzee's knees, hooking his behind the troll's and his foot around Gamzee's calf. “Death and separation are part of life. You rise and eventually you fall. I would assume that is why there are not a huge number of long-lived trolls.”

Gamzee growled at him, shaking his head. “We kill each other off.” 

Kissing the nearest part of Gamzee he could, dad sighed quietly. “I want to eventually face my death without fear. It is something that I have always walked with. When it is time to go I would much rather beckon it and run into it's arms than hide from it. I will miss you, and I know that you will miss me, but you will go on, you will become stronger, and happier as the years pass. And when you think about me it will be with love. That is what I hope for you.” 

There was a curl to Gamzee's lips and a subtle purple sheen to his eyes. Dad reached up to thumb at the bottom of each lid, forestalling tears. “You are so strong. Let's just enjoy the time we have, all right? You told me a story once about a set of moirails. It very well could be like that. Nothing is promised or planned beyond your next breath.” 

Gamzee was done discussing the matter and Dad spent the rest of the evening wrapped up in a cage of his limbs, listening to music on the ipod. He could not find it in him to complain in the slightest. It was at the very end of the evening, just as Gamzee was starting to fall asleep that he saw her. 

Nanasprite, as John affectionately referred to her, sat on the dresser and watched them in a gargoyle-like fashion. The long curl of her tail wound its way around the piece of furniture. She shook her head when he started to sit up, and winked at him. 'We need to talk' she mouthed.


	4. IV: Mother (fucker)

IV. Mother (fucker) 

 

 

“It's about time, tiger. I missed our talks.” 

 

Jane Crocker sat on the end of the sofa looking much like she had when he last saw her. Forty, laugh lines around her eyes. The only difference was the lovely cerulean hue of her person and the vague translucency that allowed Cade to look through her core mass and observe the neutral beige of the couch behind. Chin propped in her hands and glasses sliding down her nose like they always had, she was a vision of nostalgia and love. That combination and the traces of grief still lurking in the back of his mind stilled any words in his throat. Instead of trying to push them through he opened his arms and leaned forward. Dad could never say that he had loved the weather. It was something that happened outside of his windows and affected his daily routines. Holding his mother felt a little like trying to embrace a lightning storm. The hairs on his arms and neck rose, and a harsh tingle danced along his skin where their planes met. None of this was enough to stop him from squeezing her a little. “I missed them too.” 

 

They sat there a while. In the background the clock dutifully reported the seconds, a litany of ticks filling up an otherwise companionable silence. The words that came out of Dad's mouth were not the words that he thought he might say. “This game is magic.” 

 

“This game is beyond anything that any of us were ever prepared to deal with. That is its nature.” Tapping her hand vaguely against the small of his back, she smiled. “In becoming a part of it I am privy to some of its secrets. We'll have to talk shop when you're ready. There isn't enough time.” 

 

“There never is, is there?” Being an adult, looking at his mother now a peer and watching him like an equal – threw Dad into a profound state of disconnect. They had not really transitioned into a peer-relationship when Jane died. She just was gone and he had a child. As an adult, looking back, he realized the truth of it. There was a brutally short time allotted to say all of the words, do what one could and make the offerings. Then it was done. Uniquely, she could understand this; she had been both one of the living and one of the dead, and finally a liminal being thereafter. 

 

Jane smiled at him. “I am so proud of you. You became the sort of man that I would love to know and have in my life. You've gone above and beyond with John – I know it wasn't easy. He's a willful child; but instead of being coarse you nurtured his tendency to be kind. I applaud you.” 

 

Rueful, Dad rubbed the back of his neck and tried not to blush. “I had a good teacher, Mom. I just raised him like you raised me. Lots of laughter in our house. Let him kinda do what he wanted, but with structure. It turned out all right in the end.” Easing himself back into a sitting position he cleared his throat. “Why now?” 

 

Jane pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose, tilting her head with a knowing grin. “You tell me, Cade. Why now?” 

 

“Because I'm scared and I don't know what to do. You might know, with the added bonus of being a beloved family member that I have missed for years.” 

 

The smile on her mouth was more wicked than he recalled. Jane was a force-- sitting now before him. “That is right, Mr. Egbert. I know a few things that might help and I would be highly inclined to share them with you. So. Start from the most important one and work your way down the list.” 

 

“Kids are in danger.” 

 

Without arguing the point, Jane gave an absent nod. “Noted. Your kids are also breathing and by extension in danger of ceasing to do so at any given moment. Next problem.” 

 

“I am in love with a clown.” 

 

“I always knew you wanted secretly to run away and join the circus darling. That's not a problem, that's more of an informational statement. More to the effect later. Unless you truly feel that is a pressing concern.” Dad admitted that loving Gamzee was nothing resembling a problem, nor was it anything that he was ashamed of. Context made the difference. If his lover had been a human boy; there would have been no possible way any of this could have transpired. In chronological terms, Gamzee was slightly older than thirteen when they were introduced. Now a slightly less wince-inspiring age, he was still very young in relation. Sadly, Gamzee came to him as a mini-adult and not a wonder-filled child. Rough-hewn, ragged and a little inebriated but; culturally and functionally an adult. 

 

“Space is going strange and it is scaring the space and vision oriented players.” 

 

“Ding ding.” Summoning blue confetti that winked and glittered as it rained down around them, Jane nodded. “You have found the crux of your problem my sweet.” 

 

Waving a hand through the air to stave off the glitter-snow, he studied the carpet between his planted feet. “So, I know the heart of the matter. How do I address it?” 

 

Jane rose, going over to the shelf and browsing through the assortment. Stopping at one on the bottom row she hesitated, fingers hovering over the spine. “We put things in motion to put them in a better space. Preferably one that will not break down on them. To do that though, we have to make a few challenging decisions.” The book she seemed to be reaching for was not one of the mighty tomes that Dad remembered working his way through in high school. It was not Colonel Sassacre either. The type was ominously simple. 'The Complacency of the Learned'. Rising from the couch Dad walked over to Jane, standing at her side and joining her in her contemplation of the book. 

 

“Challenging decisions of what nature?” 

 

Jane had taken her harlequin hat off, her bangs fell down around her eyes. “Sometimes you have to make sacrifices for your children, Cade.” 

 

The sense of ever-present inevitability rung through him like a chord. “That is part of being a good parent, is it not?” 

 

“It is.” 

 

They looked at the bookshelf, and Dad offered a hand over, finding Jane's waiting. Clasping hands and holding firm he spoke. “Mom just tell me what I have to do.” 

 

* 

 

It was meeting time in the living room. By unconscious consensus most people were there already upon John's entrance. Karkat sat swaddled in Gamzee's arms, horns tucked under the taller troll's chin. Gamzee occupied most of the couch, looking like a serene vagrant, tucked around Karkat like a comfort object. Both glanced up at the sound of his movements and then returned to stillness shortly thereafter. Behind him there was an electronic crackle; John paused, hooking an arm out to draw Sollux briefly against his side and then release him again. The taller troll hooked an arm over his head and fucked up his hair in answer, thrumming. Descending in tandem, they joined the other two in the living room. Sollux tugged him over into his lap, John stretched his feet out over the small distance between them and hooked his feet under Karkat and Gamzee. Joined and present as a group, John was the first one to break the silence. “So I'm guessing like, no one could sleep at all?” 

 

Gamzee pressed his mouth against Karkat's horn, watching him with slit eyes. “Looks like, airbro.” 

 

Karkat idly bapped at one of his elbows, slowly drawing claws along the inside of his wrist. “That was because I pity your stupid face. The scratches were a warning for shit you haven't done yet, but you will do later. You giant, earnest collection of failure.” Gamzee honked low in his throat, pressing his lips against the crown of Karkat's head. “Uh-huh.” There was no sense of irritation that John could detect. 

 

Rolling his head back onto Sollux's bony shoulder, he pulled the tall troll's long arms around him like a seatbelt, folding his own over them. Sollux made a small irritated noise, no longer able to actively hold his phone. It began to float instead, buttons depressing with small clicks. He fitted his forefingers through John's waistband and stayed where he had been put.

 

“I don't know what to do. I'm failing as a friendleader.” 

 

Karkat jerked his head up, brows knotting together to form a storm-front over his eyes. “Why would you say something like that? Back up allegations of your failure with evidence. Otherwise shut that crap down right now. Between Rose and yourself you seem to be doing an adequate service to your team.” 

 

John sighed, digging a fingernail into one of the cushions, worrying at a loose string. Sollux readjusted him, briefly squeezed his waist and returned promptly to his palmhusk. 

 

“I have no idea what to do about the space-thing. And I know that none of us do and I shouldn't be worrying about it; but I am worrying about it. Sitting around and doing nothing is making me super-tense. I'm a doer, not a planner. That's why Rose is and always will be the better half of our friendleader equation.” 

 

Rolling his eyes slowly, Karkat butted his head up under Gamzee's chin, causing the larger troll to honk mildly and drum his fingers along Karkat's hip. “I think we should probably talk to the girls and figure something out. If the seers can't see, and there is nothing that you or I can take a swing at? Then why don't we help Jade and Kanaya? At very least we can have five sets of eyes on the problem rather than three. Text Jade, my arms are pinned.” He fluttered his hands under the weight of Gamzee's forearms, completely dwarfed. John stole Sollux's phone, tried to toggle the keyboard into human alphabets, failed spectacularly and gave it back, receiving a nip on the neck for his trouble. Fishing his own phone out of his pocket, he highlighted Jade's name surprised to find her up at that particular hour of the evening. 

 

\-- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering gardenGnostic [gG] at 87:07 -- 

 

EB: paging Dr. Harley. 

EB: Jade.

EB: Jaaaaade? 

gG: John what the fuck. its o dark AM. both of the moons are down. o.o 

gG: what do you want?

EB: just wanted to confirm something with you.

EB: anyway, don't get heated. you're the one that's online right now. 

gG: go ahead...so I can get back to sleep.

gG: I left my phone near my head, I was texting prior to blissful REM cycles. 

gG: :p

EB: Karkat and I are coming tomorrow to help you look at the space cockupery tomorrow, okay?

gG: John that isn't even a word.

gG: but sure? 

gG: I guess? 

gG: do you feel overwhelmed by burning insight suddenly? 

EB: no. 

EB: it would just be good to help with stuff.

EB: sitting on my ass on the couch is not helping with stuff. 

gG: so you are instead going to be useless along with myself, Bec and Kanaya.

gG: suddenly it all makes more sense. 

gG: for serious though, it is fine. you can come. I think it might help to have a pocket of breathable air around us. 

gG: some of the weird crap isn't around any bodies that have an atmosphere and that would make it really difficult to study. I know that I still need to breathe. I think the trolls do as well. 

gG: so it is better that you come.

EB: excellent. 

EB: the best bringer of oxygen. it is me.

gG: it really is you. undeniably. anything else dorkus?

gG: or am I allowed to go back to sleep now? 

EB: nothing else .

EB: have sweet dreams. 

EB: or soft, maybe filled with orange feathers.

gG: :p you're a brat. you know we're just besties. 

EB: i have my suspicions. 

gG: you have as many as you like.

EB: i have my suspicions you cannot resist... 

: the Ghost Butt. 

EB: :B

gG: you are dead to me. 

gG: all privileges and statuses revoked.

gG: just dead.

gG: goodnight John. 

gG: (I'll see you tomorrow.) 

EB: see you then! 

EB: hehehehe

 

\-- ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering gardenGnostic [gG] at 87:37 --

 

gG: you wouldn't be able to resist it either. 

gG: it's pert. 

 

\-- gardenGnostic [gG] has disconnected -- 

 

* 

 

Going to LOFAF was always an adventure that Karkat dreaded; it called for thermal tape on his horns. The aftermath was gross and sticky and took approximately a thousand years to remove from their surfaces. Karkat bore the removal in saintly silence; but after years of knowing him, John could tell that it irritated him and hurt to some degree. 

 

John did not mind LOFAF – on Earth it had snowed where they lived; so it was simply a matter of good socks, the right shoes, and strategic layering in order to make the experience bearable. Karkat stood stoically to one side, beanie crushed over his unruly hair and horns safely ensconced in matte tape. Without comment John offered Karkat an arm. Curling his lip slightly in irritation Karkat ignored it and wobbled as he walked forward, hands flung out to try and maintain his balance. It was a small distance to close between them; but it consisted of his beau furiously wobbling and listing. Growling, he took the hand, completing his journey into the circle of John's arms. It had never been explained to him why trolls got all weird when people messed with their horns. Jade told him that they were sensing structures and covering them, putting pressure on them, or otherwise bothering them tended to lead to problems. The exact reasoning of 'why' was never extrapolated. Tucked against John's chest and no longer wobbling around like an irritated drunk, Karkat bonked their foreheads together. 

 

“You've gotten me all trussed up, let's get this show the fuck on the road so you can enjoy getting the goop off of my horns. Also, back massage. A long one. And a claw filing, too.” Karkat stared down at him imperiously. 

 

Slipping his arms tightly around Karkat and waiting until the troll's arms were secure around his shoulders, John floated into the air and up toward the gates. As they ascended the temperature dropped and John was grateful for his extra clothes. When it was just him, sensation did not bother him much. Flying was flying. The wind bit gently, and his nose and hands were always cold. Karkat had kicked him out of bed for putting cold hands under his shirt as a joke. It was different when he flew with another person, it forced him to remember that temperature, pressure, and speed were things that he needed to consider. They were conditions that effected bodies, and not all bodies were equally up to the task of dealing with them. Karkat was not godtiered and his safety was John's first priority. Leaning in and whispering against Karkat's aurals as the light of the gate bathed them, he tightened his hold. “Take a deep breath. We're about to transition.” 

 

“I know, you winsome collection of breeze and frippery. Get to it.” There was an answering squeeze and then they passed the gate's field and into the howling wind of LOFAF. 

 

Up high the wind batted them both around like tiny birds in a strong breeze. John swung with it, going with the gusts until he found a quiet patch. Remaining there he hovered to get his bearings. Checking on Karkat he found his lover to be irritated but otherwise unharmed. His mouth was locked into a deeper grimace than usual and his fingers were knotted tightly into John's jacket, securing him flush against his chest. Scanning the terrain simultaneously he found their landmark first. “East, I think. Though with all of this fucking snow I'm not entirely positive.” 

 

Looking in the direction indicated, John nodded. “I think so too. Thanks baby!” Smooching Karkat on the nose – which got his ass slapped, and a growl—John orbited in that direction, ignoring Karkat's commentary about human pupation cycles. He was tempted to do it again, the warmth of Karkat's skin soaked into his lips from their brief visit with his nose. Fear of claws and later retaliation forestalled any further attempts. 

 

Descending down onto the platform of Jade's tower, he grinned at the tower's owner and Kanaya. Jade had wrestled her hair back into a ponytail, but it was still a riot where it hung down her neck. Kanaya looked luminous as usual, in both the literal and figurative sense. Stepping forward first, the jade troll offered up a hand to Karkat, who took it and jumped down. Giving her a brief squeeze he turned and offered a hand up to John, who laughed, gave a little curtsey mid-air, and stepped down as well, settling down onto the ground. 

 

“Nice to see you again Kanaya. How are you doing?” 

 

“I am well, John. It is a pleasure to see you, also. How are you faring?” 

 

“Pretty good. Not too fond of flying in the frost, but it's necessary.” 

 

“There are many unpleasant things that become necessity. You have managed this feat with due skill.” Tucking her hands more comfortably into the pockets of her skirt, Kanaya smiled at Karkat. “It is an unexpected pleasure to have you with us Karkat. May I ask what occasion brought you to us?” 

 

Karkat straightened his shoulders, coming out of the hunch that he had acquired. John felt bad for keeping him out in the cold and slowly started progressing toward the interior of the tower, trying not to interrupt their conversation. Kanaya took the silent hint, turning to head in with Karkat. Reaching over and slipping her arm through the shorter troll's and flattening her hand along his forearm, she moved companionably with him. Relieved at the location change, Karkat shrugged, pulling his beanie off immediately once they crossed the threshold and into the heated space. 

 

“Nothing better to do. John has been doing circuits around the house like some sort of neurotic barkbeast. It was kinder to take him out than let him keep circling. I was afraid he might start tearing at the cushions.” There was no bite to his words, and John did not take offense. Over the years he had found that Karkat's humor was acerbic and once one understood that he was actually quite funny. 

 

“He is an observant one. If I had to stay in the house one minute longer I was going to start howling.” John bit the inside of his cheek gently, trying not to grin. It was fun to try and fool Kanaya about the seriousness of any given situation. Unfortunately she had become inured to his sass over the years and it was much more difficult to trick her. 

 

Kanaya arched an eyebrow, nodding slowly. “It is best then that you came to us when you did. Howling is not the best choice for inside spaces.”

 

Walking ahead slightly she and Karkat chatted quietly in Alternian and John stood back a little, letting them catch up. Sometimes he wondered if things had not gone the way that they had, if Kanaya would have been a better moirail for Karkat than Gamzee. Certainly they had their relationship and it was fine for the pair of them; but Kanaya seemed much more normal and balanced than the clown. Even if he took the vampirism and glowing into account. This was all idle supposition, as Karkat and Kanaya were excellent friends and Gamzee and Karkat seemed to have some sort of a functional dynamic, even if it was beyond John's understanding. Somehow, sitting on the couch for prolonged periods watching movies while Gamzee took slow sips of warm Faygo translated into domesticity and safety. John could not question this. 

 

The argument of incompatibility could be made for himself . John always felt like an emergency solution for his monolithic programmer. They worked, they were happy and Sollux was safe and mostly grounded. However, John knew that there were others that could serve his needs similarly if not better. Not having a shared history or cultural context made things overwhelmingly complicated. That on top of having no prior relationship in game had only made more roadblocks than not. Breaking his long and rather twisted train of thought John realized that his pocket was buzzing. Pulling out his phone he found the object of his consideration trolling him. 

 

tA: john thii2 ii2 very iimportant.

tA: iit ii2 of criitiical iimportance that you an2wer me riight now.

tA: 2omethiing that ii diidn't thiink would happen ha2 happened.

tA: iit ii2 entiirely po22iible that my liife riight now ii2 not a flamiing piile of excrement.

tA: crap, you are doiing the lofaf thiing today aren't you?

tA: john come home 2oon.

EB: we are just about to head out.

EB: everything okay? 

tA: ye2 

tA: ye2 everythiing ii2 perfect.

tA: we are goiing two have two have a 2eriiou2 dii2cu22iion when you get home, but iit can waiit.

tA: ii am 2afe

tA: ii could tell you that thii2 ii2 poiintle22, but neiither you or KK would lii2ten two that.

tA: 2o ju2t hurry we are waiitiing.

EB: eesh

EB: got it

EB: I will make with the expedient exploration of ridiculous space

EB: <>

tA: <>

tA: 2ee you 2oon. 

 

\-- twinArmageddons [tA] ceased trolling EctoBiologist [EB] -- 

 

Glancing up to find Karkat quirking a brow, John offered him the sweetest of smiles. “Sollux.” 

 

Karkat snorted and returned his attention to Kanaya. It occurred to him that he ought to wonder who the other part of the 'we' in that bombardment of words and the letter I was; but the group was moving. 

 

Jade caught up to him, bumping her shoulder into his, Bec haunting her heels. “So I figure this is going to go easy. I'll have Bec jump us through space. All you need to do is concentrate on breathable air. Kanaya doesn't need to breathe and I've never tested whether or not respiration is a pastime or a necessity for Bec. That leaves me and you. Presumably. I think you still have to breathe, right?.” 

 

Bumping back, John nodded. “Yeah. I'm not easy to kill but I do still have to breathe. I was previously mentioned as the best bringer of oxygen. I will defend this title to the death.” 

 

Jade snorted. “It is indeed you. We don't have the fabled Tavros to take care of the Breath situation, so you are the boss. When we have a sizable pocket, then we go.” 

 

“I was thinking we should let them catch up. Give it a few minutes?” Jutting his chin to indicate Karkat and Kanaya, John smiled a little. 

 

Karkat had turned mid-motion and was observing the pair of them with a wry air. “We're ready.” 

 

“Well then. Uh, one sec.” Bringing his powers to task required some amount of concentration. Gales and howling energy was one thing. Air fundamentally wanted to travel, keeping it contained in a small space and fresh required effort. The shape of it was not too hard, he thought of a tornado, circulating and active while in one place. The finesse came in keeping the speed and temperatures controlled. Giving Jade a thumbs up he took a deep breath and got ready to disappear. When space closed in around them he was the one to flinch first. 

 

* 

 

Cade had found a quiet place on one of the roof platforms. Neither topmost nor bottom, instead one arbitrarily chosen to allow him to sit and watch the stars. One of the salamanders sat in his lap, quietly bubbling and observing with him, as if they could together deign the truths hidden out in the black. Gently he touched the consort's shoulder. “I think that it is about time for lunch, wouldn't you say? I'll be down in a few moments to help with things. Go on now.” 

 

It rose, watching him with a round eye and then trundled down the stairs, tail whispering behind it. The leather-bound collector's edition of _The Complacency of the Learned_ sat heavy at his side. His phone sat on top of it, ready to communicate with the rest of the team, the rest of his family should he need to. Roxy was highlighted on his contact list, but he had not yet pressed the button to initiate it. The answer that he had found was not one that needed to be immediately shared, despite its importance. 

 

A door opened a floor above and the low tones of Gamzee floated down from the balcony. “Let's get this the fuck over with so I can go back to getting my leisure on. This ain't any sort of a place for you.”

 

“I challenge that noise by giving it back to you, ninja. This isn't the place for -you-.” 

 

Dad blinked, trying to understand what he was listening to, remaining still on a hunch. It sounded like Gamzee was talking to himself. This was not a completely unusual circumstance, but the difference of tone and attitude was concerning. His lover was given to talk out loud or sing, not answer himself when posing rhetorical questions. 

 

“This is exactly the place I deserve to be, and fucking worked for. You are a sad, broken liar following a larger poisonous lie. And you are wearing some right offensive clothes. That codpiece is absurd.”

 

“Heretic you don't know shit. I have seen the truth. I have experienced it. All of this is a joke and we are the ones in control of the punchline. It sickens me to see you consorting with these toys. Fucking playing hive like some sort of movie characters from that screeching mutant's movies. It's _beneath you_.” 

 

“YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH. DON'T YOU EVER SAY ANOTHER FUCKING WORD ABOUT HIM OR I WILL RIP YOUR FUCKING WINDCHUTE OUT OF YOUR DRUG ADDLED BODY.” 

 

The laugh that filled the air made the muscles in Dad's back tense up. Gamzee was a kaleidoscope of mood, and like any rational being not all of those moods were friendly. However he had never sounded scornful, or cruel. The second speaker was cold, his inflection aggressive and judgmental. 

 

“Aw. Why don't you come over here and do something about it pupa. Defend your little hot-blooded boyfriend and this worthless convention of mistakes that you are living with. And for what? Why? You can still start things here, you can still be part of the larger design. Clowns don't die, brother. That's truth.” 

 

“I ain't got time for your ass. You are so filthy I don't wanna lay a claw on you that somehow it might stay on me. All of that shit, the carnival, the self-indulgent belief that you are worth something more than your actions an what you can do for your clade? It's lies. You are bathing, breathing, and drowning in falsehood. And the things that you are dancing for? They don't give three shits about you. And when they are done with you, you will die. Alone. I ain't alone and I'm not gonna let you or anything else change that. So step the fuck out of here.” 

 

The second voice was becoming less amused. Dad inched his fingers out, ready to decaptchalogue a razor. 

 

“So what the fuck you saying? That you some sort of a magician? You gonna just set aside that you are a bard? What you've done? You killed them, and you liked it. Don't deny it.” 

 

“I was different. I ain't like that no more.” 

 

A derisive snort from the second speaker. 

 

“You can shut the fuck up. I was different. I was a scared, lonely, stupid, arrogant little wiggler. Like that Ampora bitch, but with stronger arms. You're talking promises? They made my ass the same promises, and they didn't FUCKING DELIVER. I made my amends and I am paying my reparations. Yeah fucker, I am a magician. I ain't no changer or rebel, I'm just here to work MOTHERFUCKING MIRACLES for my clade. You ain't got that, have you? You got some creepy sewn-shut brother n' some white on white text.” 

 

Silence reigned unbroken. 

 

“So you telling me bro, that you're gonna stay here and rot with the cullbait 'til this bitch comes burning down?” 

 

“That's 'bout what I'm saying 'bro'.” Dad smiled a little at the sarcasm dripping out of Gamzee's voice and could imagine the flash of irritated fangs that accompanied it. 

 

“We ain't gonna save your ass when it comes time. Wouldn't even if you asked.” 

 

“You think I don't know the score, motherfucker? There is only ever one clown. There is a disciple and there is the silent one and there is the puppeteer moving your asses around while you are dreaming that you are independent. Even if I went to you, I don't get to magically become the disciple. I just become part of your ass. Doomed timelines motherfucker, I've talked to Davemotherfucking Strider. From where I'm standing you look like some ragged, deluded, dirty piece of shit that is being used by someone that gonna toss you away when you have given everything that you've got.” 

 

The lights of the miracle modus glittered like party lights above him.

 

“Thanks but no. Get the fuck out of here before I kill you. We'll see if that whole 'clowns can't get killed' applies to when you are being strifed by another one of your own.” 

 

Dad slipped razors into his waiting fingers, ready to run up the stairs and assist. Instead of the sounds of battle instead came ashy, rough laughter that deteriorated quickly into honks. Something happened and his ears ached like they wanted to pop, then quiet fell. The next sound that greeted him was that of Gamzee leaning against the railing. “I expect you got your listen on? Wanna come up here. Could use you. Ain't got a rail for me at the moment and I could use a friendly visage.”

 

Logging his book and hustling through the room that led to the balcony Dad came out to find Gamzee leaning and looking into the black, horns pointed up like two wickedly curved lances. For all that he had been invited it felt like walking into a throne room, or into a place of worship; the air was heavy.

 

He had never been the sort to shy away from any situation, no matter the gravity. 

 

Instead, he was the sort to own it, and make it his own.

 

Crossing the distance between them he slid his arms firmly around the troll's hips, pressing his face into the divot between his shoulder blades. “Howsit?” 

 

“Just saw a ghost. Kinda.” 

 

Cade pressed his fingers along the sharp hills of Gamzee's hips. “And how did that encounter treat you?” 

 

“Shitty. Sorry 'bout the language.” 

 

Gamzee tightened his grip along the railing. Dad watched as the metal warped slightly and his skin creaked like old leather at the pressure being exerted. “I saw what I coulda been. It was nothing to be proud of.”

 

The game was a place of infinite paradox and possibility. All things had been, would be, and currently were. An individual could go stark mad at the implications of all of it. Still, he had never been witness to one of his corpses or a divergent twin on a different adventure than the one that he had embarked on. It most assuredly must have been unsettling. “It is a good thing then,” he spoke carefully, pressing his cheek along the ridges of his lover's spine, “that you have done things with your life that you are proud of. It seems that the alternative is something you find abhorrent.” 

 

Easing up on the railing, Gamzee leaned back against him, shifting weight to his heels. Dad huffed at the adjustment of mass. For all that Gamzee looked like a scarecrow, he was heavy enough to be made out of iron and rock. 

 

“I just decided I didn't want to fuck up anymore. Wanted to be someone I could be proud to be. Stand next to Kar and not have him look awkward. Be someone you would look at with affection. It worked out pretty good.” 

 

Dad shifted, uncomfortable but feeling like they were at a crossroads and a definite destination had to be chosen. “It's obvious that I heard all of that. And to some extent, what is past is past. However, I cannot ignore one facet of that conversation.” 

 

Gamzee turned slowly, looking down at him with hooded eyes. For all of the light, and all of the laughter that usually resided in his features, the man that looked back at him reminded him of the homeless teens on the subway back home. Drawn in, closed, and waiting for the next hit and steeped in angry despair. “Yeah. Thought we would just never talk about that. But obviously you heard. So.” Hooking his thumbs into his pockets he closed his eyes, huffing briefly through his nose. “You gonna repudiate me brother, now that you know I got blood on my hands?” 

 

Dad bit the inside of his cheek. They were walking a minefield. The wrong move would send everything straight to hell. “Was it innocent blood?”

 

“Who the fuck is innocent? We are all killers. From the time we are born. But. To answer your question in the spirit of which it was delivered – they didn't do nothing to deserve it. Except being in the wrong place and being brave.” 

 

This was not a movie. This was not a book. A few things that had been said over the years, and the hyper-vigilant way that Karkat stared at Gamzee whenever he laughed were starting to fall into place. “Will you tell me what happened?” 

 

Gamzee was the one that broke the circle of arms first, leaning back heavily against the railing. “Do you really want to know? Or are you saying that shit because you think it is what is fair?” 

 

Dad frowned, stepping forward. “Psychic empathy is not welcome in this discussion. Please refrain. I can't tell how you are feeling unless you tell me with your words or show it on your face. I have neither to work with. I am asking because I love you and I want to understand. This is a complex topic and I want to have all of the facts before making any sort of a decision or decisive consideration.” 

 

Mollified, Gamzee dropped his head a little further, collapsing down to his level. Cade fixed his attention on the shape of Gamzee's lips, observing the flux of their shape as the words formed. 

 

“Was back when I was a little shit. Little past six. Was out of my fucking head. Ain't an excuse-- just a fact of the time. Out of my fucking pan. Withdrawing from sopor. Talking to some 'First Guardian'.” 

 

There was nothing he wanted to say or could offer Gamzee before he heard the whole of the story. The young man that he loved very much was the sort of person that snorted when he laughed, sometimes hogged the bed, did not do mornings very aptly, and had an innate talent for baking. The person who apparently could murder acquaintances in cold blood was not someone that he had met; but apparently skulked under the veneer of the person that he loved. 

 

If this were a fiction, he would have the moral dilemma of asking 'could I love a murderer?' However, no one was asking him to declare his feelings or make a decision. He loved Gamzee, barring on physical violence toward himself, John, or other loved ones of a nature and scale he had yet to observe, there was very little in his mind that would stop that feeling. Still, a logical man ought to pause when confronted with the fact that their significant other had a tendency to be homicidal. 

 

“There was some shit. Honestly I can't even tell you about that shit because there was so much of it and I was panfucked. The main gist of all of that shit though? Was that I was a godhead and it was my genetic birthright to slaughter some motherfuckers. And you know what? I did. I slaughtered my f-...I slaughtered my friends in cold blood. Some of 'em I didn't know real good or didn't like much. But they were teammates and the only trolls left. I killed them with my hands. 

 

On Alternia this ain't a thing. If you are indigo like me and you kill some trolls people just smile it off. 

 

It's what's expected. I never was much like that when I was at my hive. I just kinda chilled. Then I got talking to the Doc and shit got weird. Weird and bad and aggressive. Then we fell out of the Alpha timeline and nothing was changing and we were stuck on a meteor. I got off topic, didn't I?” Gamzee worried at his lip with a curved fang, huffing. 

 

That was the answer. That little physical tell. It was the answer to whether or not he could trust Gamzee, given this new information. 

 

He could. 

 

There was some sort of remorse there. Buried under social conditioning, and ego. Probably would not confess to it if asked. 

 

Still. Something about the act of murdering his friends, even years later, made Gamzee uncomfortable. 

 

That discomfort was a hopeful thing. 

 

All of the trolls were predators. Taken outside of their context Cade likened them to child soldiers. Different morality and ethics, different sense of the value of life. If he suspected for a moment that Gamzee legitimately enjoyed and desired death then there would be problems. Instead he saw a young man who did not have a very good moral compass to start with, struggling with it in order to find a good place to go. 

 

“It doesn't matter much. I've heard enough.” 

 

Gamzee fisted his hands against his side, staring him down and daring him to say something. 

 

The abject confusion and distress made him soften a bit. “Context is everything. I don't forgive you for murdering. I don't think that is right. But, I think that there are a lot of factors that were affecting you at that time that are not present now. I feel safe enough having you in my home, and with my son. That's really all there is to it. When presented with the information I have two courses of action. Either I reject you, or I accept that what has happened has happened. I have chosen the second option. The consequences of those deaths fall on you in the form of how your troll companions interact with you and continue to into the future. And to a lesser extent in what I expect from you. Beyond that? It has nothing to do with me. I know you now, I did not know the boy who killed.” 

 

Gamzee slid down to balance on his heels, resting his head against Dad's hip and making a strange, low hum. After a few seconds Dad realized that he was not leaving and smoothed his palms down along the body of his horns. They were imperfect, all of them; and flawed as anything else. All he could do now was move forward. Really there were more important things to be concerned over. 

 

Time was running out. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here we are at chapter four! Five is in the works. I have a lot of RL so unfortunately this story is a slow updater. I at least try to give you meaty chapters for your trouble <3 
> 
> What do you think so far? Liking it? Hating it? 
> 
> I have a surprise for you in the very last chapter as a thanks for sticking around. 
> 
> Leave me your thoughts or squees or anything. Feedback is my food. <3


	5. Answerville

V. Answerville

Air in the void was the most frightening thing John had done in his life. Independently moving pockets of air in the void was a level into nightmare-fuel. Keeping Karkat pulled tight against his side, as much to keep him safe as to anchor him, John watched Kanaya and Jade address the morass of distorted space in front of them.

Observing the star field objectively was not painful. There were blank spots where the light had not yet reached them. Stars and planets twinkled and winked. Behind them LOFAF sat like a fat, frosty blue jewel against a cosmic backdrop. However, when his eyes slid to the static, a vein to one side of his head head started to rhythmically pulse in time to the wiggling distortion. Irrationally, he was reminded of maggots, crawling all over things in an orgy of hunger.

Jade stared over her shoulder, the planes of her glasses glittering with reflected light. Pulling a phone out she shot him a message.

gt;gG: this shit is kind of heinous John. I don't like it.  
gG: not sure what it is  
gG: but it is psychically disturbing  
gG: looking at it is kind of giving me a headache  
EB: I know.  
EB: not to scare you or anything, but uh  
EB: the longer you stay near it the harder it is for me to concentrate.  
EB: so please hurry.  
EB: I don't want to be accidentally responsible for your untimely demise.  
gG: so it affects powers.  
gG: interesting.  
gG: also, oh fuck.  
gG: we'll get done as fast as possible. Kanaya's gonna try something.

Leaving the window open John took a slow breath in, trying to make focusing on his distant friends easier. It was not easier. The longer that he stood there the more this was beginning to resemble a scene out of his nightmares. Karkat sensed this as he sensed many things. Bringing a hand up and down the length of his spine he turned his face against John's ear, whispering. “So instead of proving completely useless and incapable of handling your shit, why don't you breathe in slow through your nose, hold for two and let it out slowly? Because I am the best matespirit ever, I'm going to do that with you. This combined with the horn tape should prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am devoted to you for the rest of our naturally occurring lives.”

Sass helped. Sass gave him something to push back against the fear with. “Kay.” He breathed in slowly, focusing on his diaphragm and the muscles there. This was okay. The air was his friend. They could breathe. They were not going to choke and die. Even the thought was not as much of a panic-trigger as it had been a moment ago.

Karkat nipped his earlobe softly. “Breathe in.” His own inhalation matched John's. “Breathe out. You're safe. I've got you. Nothing is going to happen to you just floating here.” The warmth of the air escaping his nose felt nice against his neck. The vise-like grip that he had been exerting on Karkat's shirt loosened and it felt a little easier to focus. Jade and Kanaya were safe. As long as he did not stare at the distortion-blob everything was safe.

Jade's tone pinged in his phone.

Things were not safe.

gG: this is bad.  
gG: if you touch it it starts to scramble you.  
gG: like, think lo-res image, your pixels are fucked, scramble.  
gG: pulled Kan out. she's okay.  
gG: i was scared that Rose was going to end my life there for a second. it may just be us, but i honestly don't want to to try it with you two.  
gG: i think we need to go back to LOFAF and then call Roxy?  
gG: at very least I want Rose and Dave with us. I think we need to have a talk.  
EB: anything that you say.  
EB: the faster we get away from it the better.  
EB: pop over please?

Kanaya's pocket of air felt weird – almost too light. The irrational part of his mind informed him that she had lost mass, no longer affecting the air pocket in the same way. The rest of him dog-piled the small part, assuring him that Kan was fine. Jade was their space player and had dominion over objects in space. If she said she was fine, Kanaya was fine. His ears ached as Jade appeared next to them, changing the pressure inside of their little storm. John clenched his fingers into Karkat's shirt, shifting the pocket larger and combining the pocket that had traveled. It was not working well. Too small. The pain in his head was starting to take center stage.

“Jade.” Her name was a prayer, offered through gritted teeth. “We need to go now.”

When they reappeared they were on LOFAF and all persons present exhaled in combined relief. John let himself sag against Karkat, still clutching at his shirt. If he let go he would spin off into the black and die. They were on a planet, that was not a thing that would happen. Still, the fear ran circuits through his thoughts and the pain in his temple kept tempo. Karkat tucked him firmly against his chest, butting his cheek against John's temple. “Shhh. You're fine, doofus. We're on a planet with a robust and overwhelming amount of oxygen. You could argue that we are positively marinating in it. While it is shifting around at a low temperature and causing other things in it to solidify due to that temperature gradient, we are assuredly in a place where we can breathe. You too, can breath.”

Thunking his head against Karkat's throat John shook his head, glasses sliding askew with the contact. That was awful. Never, ever, again would he do that. They could not bribe him, cajole him, or pay him. The entire stock exchange on LOHAC would not be enough to get him back into space with other players. “I know I can breathe. It's not me I was worried about.”

Gray filled his vision as Karkat's hand slid over his eyes. Using the other one to gently place John's glasses on the top of his head, Karkat leaned against his ear. “Stop.” The cadence and vibration in his tone summoned gooseflesh to his forearms and he wiggled slightly.

“I'm not a troll. You can't just shoosh away reality.”

“Listen to me do it. I would say watch me, but you can't; I happen to have my hand over your ganderbulbs, blocking out external stimulus.”

Damn it if Karkat was not right about that. “Gamzee'll get mad. I am never ready to deal with that.”

“He knows I'm somewhat pale-poly. And also a paragon of fidelity in the midst of this riot of heathens. I'm not doing anything that he would not approve of.” John felt his lips curve and could imagine the smile that was on his mouth, even if he could not currently see it.

John gave up the quest to argue. Really, the grousing stemmed from nervous energy; rather than any intense desire to squabble. That endeavor had been a prime example of 'too'. Too much, too big, too scary and overall too horrible. Instead of simply admitting that it had been an exercise in 'too'; he fussed instead. Karkat intuited all of this and was reacting accordingly.

Best boyfriend, perfect lover.

More hands settled on him and Jade's voice shortly followed their arrival. “Everything going okay over here? Do you need a moment before we jump next?”

Karkat rested his chin on top of John's head, rotating him so he was turned against his body. “Everything's in working order. Just giving him a minute.”

Slurping a line up Karkat's throat, John slung his arms around Karkat's ribs just under his grub scars. He was not some over-caffeinated little kid that needed cool-down time. He felt Karkat twitch at the wetness and smirked. Okay. So maybe he was still a little childish. Definitely not a child, though. It was a little nice to have someplace to collect his thoughts. When he was younger he would get wound so tight that he would stop entirely. Karkat had become adept at stopping that shit before it even got going. In that way, he supposed he should be grateful. Petulantly affectionate was much more fun, though.

Apparently assured that he could be trusted to handle his own shit, Karkat eased back, nodding to Jade. “Whenever you're ready.”

John did not have time to adjust for transition that time around. One minute they were on LOFAF, the next over to LOLAR. Hissing at the lighting change and tucking his hood up and over his eyes, he expected to hear a similar hiss from Karkat. Glancing over he sighed. Karkat had shades on, tiny little crabs with their claws raised toward the sky on the arms. Flashing him a smirk he delogged a second set and offered them over. “Little too bright?” Scanning the rest of the group showed him Kanaya with a wrecked pair delicately perched on her nose and Jade grinning up into the light.

“Just surprising. Those glasses are fantastically ugly. Where did you get them? They even have little crabs.”

“A gift from Dave 'motherfucking' Strider.” Karkat tapped them lightly with a claw, amusement written plainly across his face. The two of them had a complicated dynamic. John had a hard enough time maintaining his own personal relationships so he did not pay too much attention to any of them that did not directly impact his own quadrantmates. Dave was his best bro forever, and Karkat was his boyfriend. Sometimes the two of them had dizzying verbal smackdowns that were as hilarious to listen to as they were to watch. Unless Karkat and Sollux broke up, John was not reading anymore into it than that.

In all of his thinking the girls had gotten a little ahead, and even Karkat had begun toward their destination at a leisurely pace. Jumping lightly off the ground and into the affectionate embrace of the moving air, he joined the group in the trek toward the compound.

Rose had settled herself on a blanket under a voluminous umbrella, pale legs stretched out and toes glittering with a sparkly green polish. Rising up and waving to the group she met them halfway, slinging an arm around Kanaya's waist. The two of them shared a rather eloquent look and John wondered if there had been some trepidation about Kanaya's participation in their adventure. After what had happened, he could certainly understand why. Rose tended toward pessimism in what visions she gravitated toward. The end that they could have met certainly qualified as pessimistic.

Glancing over at him, she tipped her sun-hat back so that it no longer hid her eyes. “I trust that you have things to discuss with my mother?”

Chuckling a little, he nodded. “Things to talk to everyone about really. It's … yeah.”

“Yeah.” Jade echoed him, fidgeting with one of the multicolored bracelets wrapped around her wrists. It was a mnemonic device she no longer needed but still wore. Stepping forward she draped herself around Rose's shoulders.

“Short answer is that we're fucked. Long answer is I need someone else who is good with space and understanding space to help me with this. And your mom, while a lush, is also good with astrophysics.”

“You will broke no argument from me on that point.” Rose slipped her arm through Kanaya's and strolled toward the house.

*

Roxy poured them all spectacular mojitos; heavier on the lime and mint than the rum, and pleasantly chill in their hands. Rose left hers sitting quietly on a cup-holder, watching the group and doodling a few notes on a stray piece of paper. Her neat, curling script was indecipherable from the distance that John sat at. Karkat had sniffed the drink thoughtfully, sneezed, sipped, and subsequently pronounced it good. It still felt a little strange to John to be drinking with the adults. Even after all of the time they had shared, in some ways he still felt like the same kid he had been when the adventure began – albeit taller and more experienced. Certainly nothing he would qualify as 'adult'. Still, he rolled his glass between his palms while Kanaya, Jade, and Roxy talked space.

The senior Lalonde had her tablet out, fingers dancing and racing over the surface, interacting with several windows as Jade and Kanaya related the details of their journey.

“ - as we got closer we started to experience weird game-stuff. John's powers were not working at distance, I could not get an estimate of the breadth of the interruption, and it is destructive to mood. Looking at it brings a sense of vertigo.”

“Migraine-trigger,” John supplied his opinion, taking another sip of his drink. “Looking at it feels like having all of the blood vessels in your eyes constrict. And then you stop being able to focus.”

Karkat traced a claw around the lip of his glass. “They mentioned something about 'scrambling' when they were up close to it.”

Jade leaned forward, nodding. “Putting your limbs near or into the active space is inadvisable. Kanaya tried it and it was like her skin pixelated. It was cool, but horror-cool. Also not cool in the sense that her matter was being scrambled in a way that I cannot say for certain we could fix, given long-term exposure. It looked a little like corrupted game data – when you get junk pixels in an otherwise smooth environmental rendering.”

Kanaya cleared her throat, briefly squeezing Rose along her side in a physical effort to forestall the clouds crossing her expression. “It felt like having electric-based psi used on me. It was a sensation comparable to that. There was numbing followed shortly thereafter by a burning sensation at the outermost radius of the affected area.” Even with the touch, Rose was not having any of it. John knew her well enough to see the anger crossing her eyes. Perhaps then they had not discussed the joint venture beforehand. Oops.

Roxy's fingertips sounded like rainfall.

“So let me then talk to you my darlings about what I have found. And then I think we can get a better handle on this.” Taking a long sip of her drink and then commandeering Rose's, Roxy leaned forward on her elbows. John echoed her gesture, leaning in and closer to the possible explanation.

Neatly placing the tablet to one side, Roxy looked around them all. She had one of those expressions that John found difficult to interpret. Sympathy, and terseness, fondness and a little sad. It was an 'adult' face that he had privately promised himself he would never make when he was older because it often meant the hard things in life were about to follow.

“I have been studying space. And as I am sure you are all beginning to see, it is collapsing. I assume that we are what is known in game as a 'null' session. Your battlefield will not appear as there are no monarchs, and your planets are inert. The options for winning at this point are exhausted.” She smoothed her skirt out over her knees, palms dragging over the material and most of the joviality normally in her tone gone.

“What you explored up close was the game consolidating and archiving our data. As that consolidation progresses, there will be less space for us to inhabit until at some point we all run out of room and time. Then we simply join the rest of the archived games. This unfortunately does not imply that we survive and continue to exist.”

John looked around the room, trying to understand and process what he was hearing. Rose's mouth was set into a hard, small line. Jade was sitting with her legs crossed, hands tucked into her skirt and was chewing on her lip, considering what she had been told. Kanya had preternatural stillness about her, looking at Roxy like she was reading a set of instructions and was having difficulty in interpreting them. Finally glancing over at Karkat, John was smashed against his beau's chest, Karkat's arms tightening around him like steel bands. Only after he had settled did he wonder what it was about his face that had caused his lover to react in that fashion. He orbited in Karkat's arms, trying to get back to the conversation. Now was not the time to cuddles, it was the time for action. He was still thinking in coherent sentences so he did not need to be in the boyfriend place.

Roxy's voice filtered through his thoughts. “Go home, be with each other, and we will figure something out. We always do. That is our job. So for right now, relax.”

Kanaya's measured tone came next. “It sounds as if you have something planned for the inconceivable?”

“I don't like to jinx things gorgeous. Just go hang out with the boys. Get all of you together, get drunk, make some snacks, kiss each other, or do something else productive with your time. It'll be well.”

Looking at her, Roxy Lalonde was not some neurotic drunk. As she scanned around the room her eyes were sharp, and the expression on her face determined. “Nothing in this world seems to be final.”

He had seen similar expressions on his father's face when he was creatively thinking of ways to get him to do his homework or chores he did not want to do. Their guardians were amazing. If anyone could think of something it would be them. Wiggling out of Karkat's arms he grinned, knowing that it was a faltering one at best.

“Party at my house. Someone call Dave.”

*

Not particularly lively, it was indeed a party at his house. All players in the combined session were present and accounted for in his living room. It was nice to see Dave and Terezi and the soft glow of Davesprite. They had indulged in a truly awesome aerial hi-five and gone to hang out with their respective groups. Terezi had given him a really gross lick and spent a few moments catching up with him, before heading over to briefly harass Sollux.

Then there was the new guest.

In the brouhaha of exploring the weird space John had completely forgotten about the conversation that he had with Sollux. Coming home, some of the exchange had context. The girl curled up next to his dude-love on the couch was stunning. Everything about her commanded attention, in the same way that predators on nature-shows had caught his interest in childhood. Eyes like a feral cat, and curving ram horns to either side of her face, she was the first god-tier troll that John had ever encountered. It was kind of funny that she had wings; he could imagine Karkat with them and it caused a single snorting giggle that he covered up with a cough. The most furious butterfly ever. That would be Karkat. 

At his side Karkat gaped openly, leaning forward but not quite ready to walk forward. Sollux appeared more pleased than John had ever seen him, even at the height of his manic swings. Beyond the doofy grin plastered over his face and the hint of his jaggy teeth poking out, there was contentment in the set of his shoulders and how he arranged himself on the couch.

Serenity personified.

Serendipity perhaps.

Sollux was not the sort of troll to settle easily, in company or in person, and John was unaware of any other trolls. Certainly no one had mentioned any. There was a name nagging at him though. Damn his somewhat flippant memory for not giving it up on asking. Sollux had mentioned that there was someone that he would have been pale with, given a chance. Uh. Started with an A. Whomever this troll was, they were certainly acting the part. Were it not for the crowd, John could imagine Sollux's pleased little 'purrt' noises while he worked on coding, his bony fucking hip mashed up against her side. Karkat elbowed him in the ribs and he let the procession forward, coming over to sit on the arm of the couch.

“So. Hi. Introduce us first and then I have so many things to tell you about.”

Sollux waved his statement off with an elegant flick of his sharp hands. “ Ith all taken care of. I know about thingth that you cannot even dream. However. Firtht. Aradia, thith ith John, my 'rail. John, thith is Aradia, my former matethpirit and betht friend.”

Karkat and Aradia had caught each other's eyes and were smiling the incredulous smile of 'I thought you were dead'. At being introduced she broke off, nodding to John. “It's a pleasure to meet you finally. You've been keeping Sollux in line. This is good. Doom players are difficult.” Quietly squeezing his arm, John observed her lacquered claws – they had skulls and cupcakes on them.

“It's no trouble. Well, uh, it kind of is but it kind of isn't y'know? Sol's my friend. And uh, sometimes we have sex and he kind of lives in my house most of the time because he and Karkat are at each other's throats all of the time annnnd I'm over-sharing.”

John cut himself off with a nervous snort. Something about the new troll unnerved him. The years had given him time to get used to his lover and his extended circle. Their difference and _otherness_ no longer felt distinct. Karkat and the other trolls were a fixture of his life. Aradia was not a known quantity. He lacked even the first clue on how to make her laugh, or what would send her into a homicidal rage.

The new troll smiled, eyes dancing. “Hmm. Yes. You are. I think the three of us need to talk. Then I have some things to answer for the whole group.”

Rising and smoothing her voluminous skirts out she leaned down with exaggerated care, offering a hand to Sollux who took it with a snort. At very least Aradia was not taller than him. Karkat caught his eye. “I'm going to mingle. Yell if you get in beyond your depth.”

And shortly thereafter John found himself floating upstairs between Sollux and Aradia, the group diminishing rapidly in side below them. Looking over at Aradia he blinked. “So you're a flier too?”

“The wath a kinetic on our planet. And now theth godtier.” Sollux looked mellow, hooking an arm through John's and staying close so that he would not bump into bannisters and other things while they ascended. Exiting out a window they floated up to the roof and neatly landed. John bumped hands with Aradia as they both reached out to make sure that Sollux was situated. The golden troll in question simply purred, stretching his million-feet-long legs out and bracing his hands behind his back. “You make a boy feel tho thpecial.”

Aradia flicked his horn, demure smile still firmly in place. “You are special, in immeasurable ways. So. John.”

For some reason John felt as if he were suddenly caught in the floodlights of a police helicopter and escape was no longer an option. Even with Sollux between them, she was very close. “So. Aradia?”

She grinned, a line of wicked-sharp teeth glittering in the starlight. “Have you been taking good care of Sollux?”

Well then. Straight to it. “I'm doing my best, I guess? What do you think buddy?”

Sollux seemed to be enjoying this overmuch, hands flung over his head. “You are not a good papper. Thorry. But you're not. You don't have the clawtipth for it. Otherwithe I have no complaintth. My needth are met. And human humming ith a cauthe of cognitive dithonanth—it ith almotht a thrum but not quite a thrum. ”

John offered up his best Vanna White impression, gesturing down to their prone friend. “The man has spoken.”

Aradia flicked her wings lightly, looking between the two of them. Sparkles fluttered off of them and dimmed down to nothing against the star field. “Is this an arrangement that you would like to see continue into the future? Because I have pale designs on your man. However. If you can take good care of him, I can abide. Otherwise, we can share. I have been informed that this grouping of players is mightily polyamorous.”

John felt himself coloring from his neck to his ears. “I didn't start out weird, don't get any crazy ideas. It just kind of... happened. I guess.”

Sollux reached up, quietly flattening the entirety of his palm over his mouth, shushing him and sort of lazily papping in one motion. “He getth defenthive about hith thexuality. Pleathe refrain from joking about it.” John grumbled, biting the tip of his pinky. Sollux simply grunted and ran a clawtip along the planes of his glasses. This was distressing enough to make him let go of the finger and fall backward. Ugh. At least they did not scratch.

Aradia smiled again, leaning forward. “Let me rephrase. I will share your 'rail with you unless you have strenuous objections otherwise. I know things about him that cannot possibly understand. And he is a essentially a bodily compilation of plant-matter-shaped failure. You are not properly equipped to tend to the garden of his despair. However, apparently you give good hugs and good orgasms and I desire only the best for him. Thus you both get to live and get to continue to cuddle.”

Sollux turned toward him, giving him playful eyebrows. Time had allowed for John to get used to the empty eye sockets but that still looked overly absurd. He took the end of his windsock and tucked it over Sollux's eyes and shook his head. He did have the dualism-fetish. Not only that, but Aradia was very clearly red-themed. Red and blue would certainly make them an appealing combination. 'Plant-matter-shaped', what in the world did that mean? Troll language constructs did not always come across in clear ways. Sollux was shaped like a plant. Oh. Twigs and branches were things that plants had. She was talking about how thin he was. Like a bundle of sticks. He snorted.

“Sorry, little late to get the zinger that was wrapped in your offer. Uhm.” Glancing down at Sollux who was still peacefully sprawled on the roof, one hand snaked down to hold the edge of his shirt and the other laid along the curving plane of Aradia's thigh. He did not have any sensible objections.

“As long as the two of you are okay with it, I think that I'm in. There are some things that I just don't get 'cuz I'm not a troll. And as long as I still get to be a friend and occasionally a couch cuddle-buddy I guess we can try it?”

Sollux eased his hand up to tickle his stomach. “I like having thomeone who hath an alien viewpoint. That type of perthpective is good. And your joketh are obnoxiouth and you are thtubbornly determined to make me happy. Thethe are admirable traitth in thomeone thtupid enough to want to be pale wi-” He was cut off as both John and Aradia pinched him.

“Stoppit.”

“Shoosh.”

Sollux subsided and John grinned at Aradia over him. She winked back. “We'll do fine, I think, young master Egbert.”

Sollux shifted, head tilted in his general direction. “We are thtill having thex. Thith ith a thing that ith happening.”

John brushed a finger down his lower lip, flirting with his fang-points. “Yeah. I think so. I'm a fan.”

Wrinkling his nose in a lecherous grin, Sollux ran his tongue along the fingertip, thrumming. Unconcerned at the flirtation occurring in her vicinity, Aradia turned to John. “Now that we have that straightened out, it is time for the more serious talk. Reality is collapsing.”

John felt all of the warmth and fun drain out of him like he was a cup that had been tipped over. “Yeah. About that.”

“There's a reason that I showed up now. I have a solution for us.”

Turning his whole body, he stared at her. In the midst of the feelings jam and introductions and everything else it had not occurred to him to wonder where this new person had come from. Score one for team Egbert. Apparently Aradia hailed from Answerville, The Incinisphere: home to choice residents and game-changers.

“Why now?” It was time to start thinking and asking intelligent questions.

“Because I do not wish for the remainder of my friends to die.” The smile on her face was unsettling, as was the intensity that she looked at him.

“Beyond that though, I am a Time player. And we have nothing if not an impeccable sense of timing. It was time for me to be here and thus I am here. I must say, this timeline is a strange one. I'm not entirely sure that I am actually the Aradia from this world. However, she hasn't reappeared to claim it, so it's mine now.” Her eyes reminded John of a cat's eyes when they got really large-- just before a pounce. Cats were never his favorite animal.

“So you've busted in in the eleventh hour, full of answers. That seems like a movie cliché.”

Aradia nodded. “Doesn't it just? But it's not. Also to save us some of our rapidly dwindling time let's get downstairs and talk to everyone at once. And we need to be there when the box gets here.”

*

It really was a good book. Sitting and quietly finishing the last chapter, Cade closed _The Complacency of the Learned_ and leaned back against the headboard. 'Alpha' Rose would have been an interesting woman to know. Certainly he would have enjoyed the rest of the series, along with its homoerotic undertones and thoughtful wizardry.

Gamzee filled the doorway to the bedroom and walked in slowly, as if his limbs were leaden. Making room for him, Cade closed the book. “Come and sit with me.”

Nothing about the urgency of Gamzee's pace changed. Instead he slowly folded down onto the bed, tucking his knees up and in, careful of how his horns angled. They had a short headboard for a reason. Rolling over, Cade pressed his lips against his forehead. “There's a lot to talk about and nothing to say, isn't there?”

Gamzee slid forward, fitting his face into the curve of his neck, continuing then to curl an arm around him. Oftentimes over their time together Dad had felt like a comfort object. Coiling close in response he kissed the base of each horn, ruffling a hand through Gamzee's unruly hair. “Use your words.”

The tautness of Gamzee's shoulders communicated a lot more than his lover might be inclined to share. Dad had made a study of him over the years, his eloquent limbs and very heavy expressions. What he chose to say often was a facade or deflection; but happily he did not lie well physically. All of his tells were clear and he took no pains to hide them. Dad could only assume that Gamzee felt no one was looking. The language of him was a secret that Dad guarded. The only others that approached fluent were Karkat and possibly Terezi.

There was such misery in every tendon and the position that he had taken, not unlike human infants when asleep. Missing was the teasing, smug affect that he wore most of the time when in his mixed-peer group. There was no apparent cause for this. Unfortunately, both of them understood things that stood just down the line, hidden out of sight but monumental in their implications.

“What if I ain't got any words to use?” Claws scraped along the back of his shoulders, soft enough that they did not shred the fabric that they skated over. The control that Gamzee expressed daily was a point of admiration and fascination to him. “What if the only things that wanna come out of my windchute are prayers and begging?”

Dad hugged as tight as he could, fisting his hands into Gamzee's shirt and pressing his mouth down to his forehead. “Then I would say that you shouldn't be scared. That as of this moment, there is no reason to be so sad.”

“You would be a liar.”

“I would be telling you an adjusted truth, certainly. That would be because I love you. And I don't want this abject horror coloring how we are, and our time together. There are no absolutes Gamzee.”

Gamzee flung an arm over Dad's ribs, squeezing briefly and then traveling to land on the book. “I know what this is.”

Dad paused for just a moment, knowing full well that Gamzee was similarly fluent in the language of his mannerisms. “It's a book.”

Nipping his throat, the troll's voice was sulky. “You know better than to say that to me. I seen it. I know what it is.”

Softening, Cade rubbed a hand along his neck. “Just a book. A book about some wizards. A very, lengthy book. With some heavy prose, certainly. A little ostentatious.” Gamzee growled and he stopped teasing.

“It's there when we go through the door.”

“I imagine that many other things will be as well. There is no reason for alarm.”

Gamzee sat up straight on the bed, eyes a bit orange tinted and hands clasped hard in the material of his pants. “Stop fucking making light of this! Stop making a joke! It's not fucking funny!” There was an instinctual fear that rose in most of the household when Gamzee raised his voice. The sheer height of him was enough to be intimidating. Quashing that down where it belonged Dad looked at him. Sitting up as well, he arranged his spine into a line of steel and his tone into that of a peer-or-better. “I never said that it was a joke.”

Dad watched his lover count down from fifty, shoulders shuddering on occasion and claws flexing. Honking and staring at the wall, Gamzee maintained stillness. This was a better thing than the alternative. When he judged his beau to be calm he reached across the distance and ran a hand along the back of Gamzee's hand.

“It is not something that I find humorous.” He reiterated, making sure that his point was clear and his thoughts carried the correct tone.

“All that I am saying is that there is nothing yet to fear or to grieve. Only dreams. Dreams and some frightening spaces.”

Gamzee rolled his shoulders forward, eyes slitted. “You and Roxy know.”

What he and Roxy knew Gamzee had not yet elaborated on. “We know a few things between us, yes.”

“You've known something for a while and you're not talking about it. But you felt different when you got back to the hive. Before it was existential shit. You get those same sorts of feels off of rusts that are brassy enough to live for a long time and are starting to get to the end of their lifespans.” Gamzee shook his head, curls bouncing and dipping in front of his eyes.

“You felt different. Don't you tell me that you didn't. You talked with your Momlusus and you talked to Roxy, and you were different and you ain't telling me why. That is UP AND SUSPICIOUS-” Dad smacked Gamzee hard in the jaw and then repeated the motion more gently and in succession. Paps – handy for getting the attention of a troll who was upset or frightened.

“Hey.” He let his voice convey just how little of this behavior he was having. “Eyes on me right now.”

Sliding his eyes over to him, Gamzee fixed attention on him, mouth torqued down into a frown. “Looking right at you Sir,” he spoke quietly and respectfully. This was a part of their dynamic they had agreed would be beneficial when Gamzee was feeling wild and Karkat was not around.

“Tell me in an articulate manner why it is that you are upset with me.”

“You are keeping secrets from me. I know it is up and your prerogative to keep a few things to yourself-”

“Yes, that is my prerogative. Keep going.”

“But I am worried that the things you are keeping from me could kill you. There ain't nothing in the world that I would willingly let hurt you, and the thought that you might be letting something is making me itchy.”

“Well articulated. Come here.” Catching Gamzee's face in his hands he kissed the bridge of his nose, and the little knot of muscle between his eyebrows. So much worry. Gamzee collapsed forward, surrendering in inches until he had folded himself into a smaller space, half-resting on Dad.

“I can't.” Gamzee's voice was thick and quiet. “It would hurt something in me I ain't paid much attention to. Never had much use for other folk. Just religion and pain. And substance, if we are honest motherfuckers. At least one of us is.”

Dad felt no point in correcting his language, Gamzee was working himself down in a constructive fashion.

“But the idea of letting you do some heinously stupid shit in some misguided attempt to be chivalrous or whatever crap humans use to justify self-destructive behavior: well I ain't having none of it.” Winding a hand through his curls Dad hugged Gamzee's head, winding a hand around one of his lance-like horns. Clever boy.

“You are worried that I will do something sacrificial?”

“I know you would. Lusus are like that for their wigglers. You got a wiggler on deck. Beyond that you're that sort of motherfucker. You'd bleed first fore letting any one of us shed a drop.”

Dad let a slow breath out through his nose. Yes, he did have John to think of as well. “Did you think perhaps that I was not sharing information with you because I was unsure of it, or it was incomplete?”

“Didn't get my think on in that direction, no.”

“That is part of my reasoning.”

“Ain't nothing that makes my concern less valid.” Gamzee stared up at him very imperiously; so stubborn, and so fierce that it hurt a little to consider being far from him.

“Well. I feel like there is an important conversation that is going to happen downstairs. Let's join them and then you and I can talk this out.”

“Liar.”

Dad smiled down at him. “You are allowed to call it when you sense it. This conversation, at least for this time and in this iteration is done. You and I will have a discussion when the time is right and I have full information to offer you.”

Rolling upright and off the bed, Gamzee fell into his customary slouch to avoid the doorway and headed down the stairs, not waiting for him.

Dad sighed.

Perhaps that could have gone better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So how are we doing?
> 
> Excited?
> 
> I am excited. Three more chapters and an epilogue.
> 
> And Aradia! Huzzah!
> 
> As always, leave me your thoughts. I adore every one of you. Thank you for reading!


	6. Sugar Rush

John offered himself to gravity, descending toward the mass of his friends. Letting Sollux settle into the couch he found Dave at the forefront of his landing space and had to fist-bump it out quickly. “Hey. Didn't get a chance to properly say it.”

 Dave nodded, light reflecting off of his aviators. “So, we're about to have like the realist of the real talks. I want you to get your mind right as of approximately now.”

 A bit disturbed by the disclaimer, John nodded. “Timey wimey?” As good a code-word as any for when things were about to get temporally complex.

 “The wiggliest, craziest, timey wimey you have ever encountered. Oop, there is big bad baker and your Dad. Everyone's here. Okay.” Dave squared out his shoulders and rather gracefully offered an arm out.

 “Madame? I do believe that you have the floor.”

 Aradia stepped over to Dave's side, taking his arm with a low chuckle. “Now I do. Hello everyone!”

 The assembled friends and friends-of-friends settled down. Karkat had come to sit behind him, Gamzee coming and folding arms around him like a collapsing building. Dad remained standing, parked behind the pair with his hands lightly resting on Gamzee's shoulders. Preferring to stand for whatever news was coming, John remained where he was.

Flicking her wings a couple of times, Aradia glanced around the room. “I am here because I need to be. Dave, is here because he has to be as well. If you were not all aware, space around you is collapsing.”

Terezi leaned forward, hands folded over the dragonhead of her cane. “This has already been mentioned and explored. What new information are you bringing about this situation? Belatedly as well, welcome back to the land of the living miss Megido. Death and subsequent rebirth has been kind.”

Aradia smiled back. “I have found the way you stop it. No strings, no crazy shit. I just needed all of you here. Mr. Strider, if you would please?”

With a flourish, Dave decaptchalogued a box, offering it forward on his outstretched palm. It was small and thin, no bigger than a piece of printer paper. Aradia's eyes shone like two moons. “I have the other part of the solution, but I can't bring it out until it is time to use it.”

John crowded in with the rest of the group, trying to figure out what this radical solution was. It was very much within the tenor of the game to give them something ludicrous as an element of salvation. When Dave took the top off John took a step back, torn between anger and incredulity. “What the hell is that supposed to be?!”

Karkat stared over his shoulder, arm locked protectively around his waist. “Seconded.”

Gamzee leaned forward, curling his lip in distaste that John did not understand fully. “Looks like a motherfucking sucker to me.”

“Language.” Dad did not sound particularly overwhelmed by the brilliance of the proposed solution either.

“Ain't got time for minding such things.” Gamzee curled a lip, tossing his horns in Dad's direction.

John could hear his dad's quietly delivered reprimand; but had to return his attention to the lollipop. There was something sinister about the sheen and luster of the curves. Dave stared down at it blankly, deferring to Aradia who seemed to be growing progressively more pleased. “It is not just a sucker. Though you could apply that title to the person that held it without understanding what it was. It is a juju.”

Gamzee made a sign against something in the background, backing up and taking Dad with him. John watched them, trying to figure out what the deal was there. Maybe Gamzee had bad teeth after all of the drugs that he had done. Dad did not seem to have any clearer idea what was going on and looked rather affronted at being herded.

Karkat saved him from asking the question. “That's fantastic. There is nothing more informative and apparent than the fact that is in fact a green, swirly 'juju'. Now do us all the kindness of explaining what the fuck it does and why we are excited about it so we can justify the consumption of our middling time and breathable gases.”

“Tsk. Always angry. But fine. It's a hammer. Kind of.” Aradia swung the lollipop menacingly.

Dave shook his head, stepping forward a bit. “I'm going to take control of this metaphor right now. What we have in our hands is one part of a cheat code. The other half is stored in her sylladex waiting for us to say the word 'go'. And might I add taking up heinous slots for something that is so physically fucking small.” Their knight made his way into the middle of the room where he could most comfortably address everyone.

“We know a few things about Sburb thanks to the Sgrub session. We know that there are prize universes waiting and that a lot of them are unclaimed. So it is then reasonable to consider that there are some sad, lonely frogs that got generated when their players got close to the end but never actually made it through. If you want to go super-morbid, you can also consider that there may be some universes that the players abandoned. For y'know. Reasons.”

Aradia trilled. “Insanity, instability, and ego. There are things that happen when you make a new universe, and if you do not carefully plot out the consequences; you will be subject to them regardless. This all to say, there is playable space available. We simply cannot access it as we are. We are instead being tidied into the open memory of the game to help create other universes.”

Dave resumed his thought. “What we want to do is swoop in on one of those created universes and completely avoid Sburb up in our shit ever again. Right?”

There were varied murmurs of assent from all persons around.

“So we can't do that any longer. Ma Lalonde said so. We've used up all of our passing conditions to qualify as winners. The only thing we can do is capitalize on someone else's misfortune. And frankly, I'm fine with that if they weren't already on-world anyway. Hell, I'd even share. I just don't think this plane of existence needs anymore dead Daves. We are basically liter at this point. The mournful crunching of many a set of sick shades forms the soundtrack to this ridiculous good time we have going.”

Aradia flashed a toothy smile and resumed her section of the metaphor. “I think that a 'cheat code' is the best way to consider the delightfully cute game-subversion. The two of us and our space players will have a lick. Some ridiculous shenanigans will occur and then we will neatly rip a hole into space and time and shove the lot of you through it. I make no guarantees for what happens after that. Only that we will have a place to go and be safe.”

John watched her as she addressed the crowd, her gaze lingered on her past friends and gently skipped over his Dad, and Davesprite. Mama Lalonde was somewhere in the background, possibly in the kitchen sampling the bourbon. The fact that she skipped them encouraged worry where there otherwise was hope. What it was that he ought to worry about, he was not entirely sure. Still, the dropping-clenching feeling in his stomach said that it was something big.

“So, what will it be friends? Are we going to do this or are we going to wait?”

Dad was the one that stepped forward, passing John's line of vision and stepping into the cleared space around Dave and Aradia.

“Young lady, I think that is a silly question. A better question would probably be 'when do we do this and how do we go about supporting you', don't you think?”

Aradia beamed up at him with a razor smile. “You ask the right questions, Mr. Egbert. We do this in less than two hours. You and I need to speak about some things, as well as the elder Lalonde. Then you talk with your children and we get ready to go.”

John did not like the sound of that at all. “Why do you need to talk to my dad?”

Aradia's eyes caught the light as she turned toward him. “Reasons.” Her smile was definitely not cute. The shifting of her wings sounded like razors snapping into place.

Gamzee stepped forward, and the room seemed colder. “Gonna need to be talking to Mr. Egbert 'fore you do, spookygirl. You mind excusing us?”

Aradia's eyes narrowed, but she nodded. “You have forty minutes starting now. Go.”

Dad and Gamzee headed up and out toward one of the balconies and John turned toward Karkat in abject confusion. There was a lot going on that he was missing. Karkat seemed to feel the same way, the very pointed frown twisting his mouth confirmed John's suspicions.

Dave turned and looked at the rest of the group. “Aight. So.. I would get anything out of your sylladex that you don't need, and um grab anything that you really are attached to. We don't know if game mechanics are going to work where we are going. We have hopes, but we aren't sure. Beyond that, let's get hype about this. Kanaya, I need to speak to you please, as well as Jade.”

Both of the ladies looked up and nodded, walking over to join Dave.

*

Cade ascended the stairs rapidly, skipping steps here and there where he could manage. His knees protested but it was important to keep pace with Gamzee. His embodied storm ascending the stairs with hands clenched at either side of him and knuckles white from the pressure of his grip.

When they found a balcony suited to his purpose Gamzee reached out and rested his large hands on either of Dad's shoulders and stared down at him. “I ain't going.”

Of all of the possible things that he might have said, that was not the one that he had planned for. However, Dad was a resourceful person. “You will go.”

“Ain't no fucking way I will.” The denial was accompanied by a small shake of the shoulders.

“Why?”

“I know what she meant, by not lookin' at you, or the glowfluffbro, and that she wasn't talking about tipsymamma. I just heard motherfuckingstrider a minute ago. They don't know if game mechanics will work.”

Ah. His perceptive love. He quietly brought his hands up and held Gamzee's forearms, to steady himself and avoid being shaken further. “And why does this worry you love?”

“ 'cause you ain't a player character!” Gamzee hissed it out, fury and worry combating for dominance over his body-language and tone. “If you walk through that shit you ain't gonna come out the other side! I been dreaming this for perigees!”

Well. There was the truth, laid out uncomfortably bare for all persons involved.

“My sweet boy we cannot be sure of that.”

A fist whizzed by his head as Gamzee punched the wall behind him. Staring into his orange-tinted eyes, Cade could only observe as the troll bristled.

“Do. Not. Lie. To. My. Face. Brother.”

Each word was enunciated, running with an undercurrent of violence. It was a good and a bad thing that Gamzee saw him as his equal. Unfortunately equals were strong enough to defend themselves. The reality was that Cade would have to go for a killing blow or nothing at all. Words would have to do.

“I am sure that I am not sure. Take that answer for the truth that it is.”

“Stop all of this twisty fucking talk and you tell me what you know. NOW.” The hand not flattened near the hole in the wall stayed on his shoulder like an iron band.

“I know that Roxy and I are tagged by the game as carapaces. Just as Nannasprite and Davesprite are technically constructs – same as Jaspers and Miss Harley's dog. It is unlikely that we will be able to transition, though not impossible. We were not supposed to be here in the first place, so you may be able to take us with you when you go through the rip. The transition theoretically ends in another gamespace. We only have conjecture to go on, as none of the people I have discussed this with have been to a successful session. We do not know how reality works there. I really, and truly am unsure. ” In front of him the anger was deflating away. Instead his lover just looked still and tired.

“What happens if you can't go?”

Dad reached out, coiling a hand around his waist and stepping into Gamzee's reach, looking up at him after flicking his hat back to allow for it. “Then I don't go.”

Gamzee made a low sound in his throat, somewhere between one of the alien buzzings the trolls made from time to time and a whine. “I don't want that.”

Cade smoothed his hands along Gamzee's shirt, feeling the fabric wrinkle and give with his motions. “You have dealt all of your life with things that you don't want. So have I, and so has everyone else.

You have a moirail that needs you, and a universe at your fingertips where you can start over and be whomever it is that you wish to be; not beholden in any way to what you have done. As soon as you arrive you can start over, having made your mistakes and learned from them, consider this new world as a place where you can put those lessons into action. You will go and you will live and you will make something of your life.

If I can go with you, then I certainly will accompany you. But we are running out of time and there are things to be done in order for the group to be ready. I will not endanger your life, or John and Karkat's over my selfish wishes. ”

It was hard to say. It made his ribs hurt, his hands were shaking a little against the curve of Gamzee's back. The idea that he would never bury his face in the young man's wild curls and tell him bad jokes, or bake with him side by side felt like a knife-wound that was seeping. Still, as much as he loved him, he could not let Gamzee die in the static silence that was encroaching nor could he risk the rest of the group for his lover.

“This was what I was trying to avoid, in not talking about this. Is this how we are going to say goodbye to each other?”

Gamzee folded slowly down, as if someone had broken his spine, winding his arms around him. “No.”

Every line of his body and each shiver of muscle and bone communicated his discomfort and distress. Dad wanted nothing more than to take his face in his hands and tell him that it was a lie and that all of it would go away. He wanted to make it right and correct the wrong that he had done with his callous words.

“You said when we first got flush... that trust makes a relationship. Makes it or breaks it.”

“That is something that I did say.”

“Then I have to trust that you are doing the right thing for me. Is my understanding congruent with the thoughts that are running through your head, my fine flushmate?”

The wavering in Gamzee's tone felt like an assault. Tone vacillated between anger and fear, his lips brushing against Cade's ear. “I have to trust that you are not going to throw yourself into this like a piece of kindling on the fucking fire and disappear to dust in some half-assed attempt at nobility and chivalry and other human bullshit that you are so intensely fond of. AM I CORRECT IN THIS ASSUMPTION?”

Helplessly, Dad turned to stare at him, to communicate that he was in earnest. “Yes, of course. _I don't want to die_!”

Saying it out loud felt like lancing a blister. Something dreaded finally done. Emboldened, he kept at it.

“I don't want to die. I'm terrified of it. So if I can have a second chance I would gladly grasp it. I will try to go through that door with you. I want to be with you and see the new life that you are going to build! I want to see Karkat and John, I want to see this new place and move out of this house.”

Looking down at the tiny scars all over Gamzee's hands he sighed quietly.

“That said. All of that can be very small when I compare it to the idea of you all being safe. I am old and I have lived what is normal for a human man to live. I have about twenty years, give or take; but I got the bulk of my life. Though it is frightening and nauseating, when I contrast that amount of hours and minutes against the survival of all of you there is no contest. Do not mistake that for a lack of fear or regret. For those are certainly present.”

Gamzee stood tall, staring out of the window. For as close as he was there was a chasm of distance between them. “I have only really been happy when I'm with you or Karkat.” His voice was soft, and slightly hard to hear over the ambient noise of the house. “When I'm not with you two I get all wrong. Get bent out of shape. I know I can move on forward. Always do. It's real easy, one foot in front of the other. But... dunno if I can do it _right_ without you. Not stay the same and keep on moving. Don't do this.”

A cell phone alarm that Dad had set at Aradia's earlier behest went off.

The electronic chirping was grating in the silence following Gamzee's request.

More than anything in the world he wished that he could acknowledge and respect it.

Instead he slid his thumb over the screen of his blackberry-- viciously outdated and upgraded a couple of times through alchemization.

The noise ceased.

Gamzee stood up, sliding his arms around his shoulders and hugging him tight to his chest. “Bout that time then, I guess.”

Sliding his hands as far around Gamzee as he could, he held on tight, squeezing back as hard as his arms would allow him. “I guess.”

Neither of them made a move to step backward.

“I'll see you again, 'fore this goes down, yeah?”

“Yes. You will definitely see me once more.”

Gamzee kissed his forehead. “Then I gotta let you go. Love you most.” His hands shook against Dad's shoulders and his voice wavered in a way that he took no pains to hide.

Brushing his thumb under the severe curve of Gamzee's cheekbone he nodded. “Love you too.”

*

Aradia was leaning against the wall when he stepped out of the room, book in hand. She quietly slipped her arm through his, escorting him down the stairs.

“It gets easier, you know.”

Cade glanced over at her. “What does?”

“Goodbyes. There is nothing permanent in them.”

Having nothing artful to add, he continued their progression. “I'm sure that they do.”

Aradia's skirts swished and shivered around her, little motes of light dancing in the hall with the motion of her wings. “I'm sure that there are things about this situation that turn out better than you hope.”

Adjusting his hat so that it sat correctly on his head, Cade chuckled low in his throat. “That certainty is refreshing. I just had a most painful conversation with my significant other. Most of our duress is due to lack of certainty.”

Aradia's claws gently caught at the sleeves of his shirt as she patted his arm. “Gamzee is very childish. He will grow, yet. The higher up the spectrum you get, the longer it takes for trolls to mature. The highbloods have a long time to live, so it takes a long time for them to find what adulthood is like. Some never do.”

“Possibly not. I have hopes for the young mister Makara though. He has the sort of mind that turns out delightfully complex when tended right. When left to seed, well. I am sure that you need no reminders.”

Aradia smiled slowly, eyes widening in relation to the curve of her mouth. The effect was not pleasant.

“I will never forget, Cade. None of us will.”

*

The group was a bit ragtag, everyone having transportalized to the meteor. John floated slightly above the ground, unable to stay planted with his anxiety churning everything around him. Karkat rooted him to one spot, hand coiled tightly with his. He leaned his head to the side, butting his horn into John's hip.

“Come down.”

John ground his teeth together, trying to focus on zen, on the breeze, on anything and ease himself back down onto the flat surface. “It's hard.”

Karkat captured him around the waist, brushing his claws along the curve of one of his wrists. “I know. But I need you right now.”

Oh.

Feeling a bit childish and bad for being a bad boyfriend, he found the will to stay rooted for the moment. “What's up? Heh, other than me?”

Karkat slid his eyes over and gave him a look, arching a brow. “This place has a lot of memories for most of us. And pretty much all of them are awful. It was a place like this where we almost won the game, too. Same kind of nasty 'almost cooked in the Alternian sun but some son of a bitch dragged your sorry carapace into the shade before you died' gray.”

John looped his arm around Karkat's waist and leaned into his side. He was a bad boyfriend. Happily, Karkat put up with him anyway. “Sorry.”

Flattening his palm in a mini-pap, Karkat patted at his back absently. “Just asking that you be present. That is all. Shit's gonna be hard. I'm going to have to settle Gamzee down later, he's got the look about him. And I'm worried about the rest of you fuckers and I don't like not knowing the plan. It is worse being that I can't know the plan because there is no plan. That is the disgustingly ironic part of all of it: that someone who had the power to create a cheat code like that. Maybe they had a plan or maybe they didn't, but like a jackass they left it all up to us to decide. Now we have a plan with a serious lack of foresight involved in it as we cannot even begin to guess at the possible outcomes.” Cross and nervous, Karkat shifted his weight between feet, claws flexing slightly at points of enunciation in his statement.

John leaned up, kissing his cheek. “We just go with it and see where it takes us. That's better than nothing at all right now?”

Karkat huffed, lip curling up in irritation. “No. It's not. We're all scared as fuck, whether some admit it or not, and I have no idea what is going to happen. Nothing would be preferable until I get more data on the 'could'.”

John did not want to talk about theoretical situations. Some things would stand on hope. He did not know if the sprites would cross with them, if they could cross, or what else would change. Too much planning muddled everything up. He would just have to move forward. Dance through and around what came at him and adjust as necessary. Sollux did not seem overly morose, and as a player associated with doom, that was a hopeful detail. The time players had not received any forwarded-messages via loops from their future selves also. So something either was going to happen that none of them could work around, or it was going to work. Either way there was no sense in worrying about it. Only telling Karkat not to worry was like trying to tell water not to be wet.

The crowd of their friends was impressive, all persons were present. He had seen Bro for the first time in his life, a tall, very fit middle-aged man in a baseball cap and some godawful anime-style shades. Buried somewhere in the crowd were Ma Lalonde and his dad. Jade and Davesprite sat talking on one of the outcroppings of the meteor, their conversation indeterminate from the distance. He was disinclined to bring what it was to him via breeze; it would serve as nothing more than an unnecessary invasion of privacy. The trolls had grouped themselves off by clade and kid, Terezi shifting between Dave and Karkat, chatting with both boys and sometimes drifting over to tease Sollux. His joint-moirail was standing with his arm through Aradia's, looking off toward the space where the event would trigger. The group had a restless energy that rubbed off on his skin and made him itch.

This was it.

No turning back, no changing, no takebacks. All they could do now was move forward and hope that somehow things would turn out.

Funny that they were lacking hope players completely.

Aradia broke from Sollux and nodded to Dave. Dave pulled Terezi against him tight, hugging and pressing their foreheads together. She smacked him on the hip, butting her head forward a little to get him in the nose and then stepping back. He caught John's eye and gave him a 'well, here we go' kind of nod and then delogged his side of the juju. It was a red so deep that it mirrored Karkat's eyes. Across the way Aradia took out her side, an acid-green lollipop with facets so sharp that they glittered in the light of the meteor.

John felt like ants were crawling on his skin. Karkat tensed next to him, digging his hand into his shirt. The anticipation of what was going to happen was making his shoulders ache. Behind him the windsock part of his hood fluttered and snapped in the breeze that had become agitated along with him.

Aradia and Dave stepped closer and then light got momentarily too bright and some very confusing sounds occurred. When the red and green spots cleared from his eyes Aradia and Dave looked very, very different than usual. Their clothes had adjusted into something that could be described as 'candy lolita'. Once, Kanaya had jokingly sketched them all highly fluffy outfits after a discussion with Rose about what 'sweet lolita' was, and why it varied from 'just call me Lola', which got him in trouble with his Dad. Dave was wearing some very small pants and practically vibrating with the intensity of the colors wrapped over and through him. Grinning like Jack Nicholson in The Shining he laughed, spinning in-air and catching Aradia in his arms, spinning her with him which only served to get her giggling as well.

“Round and round and round we go girl! Like the second hand on the clock and the minutes and the hours and the days and-” Aradia laughed with him, her head thrown back and her fangs bared, her dress shimmering with what looked like small red candy gummies of some sort.

“Are those gummigrubs?” Karkat's startled murmur at his side confirmed his suspicions.

“Maybe? I have no idea what is going on right now. Other than what we are looking at is scary and I don't want to get any closer.” John stepped back, tugging at Karkat to try and convince him to come with.

Aradia beamed at Dave, wheeling to look at Jade and Kanaya.

“But we have to go get our compliments so we can both spin, spin, spin and STRETCH!” Squealing and kicking her heels a little, Aradia thrummed at Jade, who took an involuntary step back at her advances. “Come here sweet girl. It's not enough to move forward and back, we have to go THROUGH!”

Leaping forward with a snap of her wings, Aradia hooked her legs around Jade's waist, wrapping her arms around her shoulders tight and planting a wet kiss on her mouth, lipgloss smearing every-which-way. John's vision went muzzy again as there was a flash and Jade stood decked out in green candies. There was a waft of lime and spearmint permeating the area as well as other saccharine scents. It set his mouth to watering in the worst way and reminded him of Dad's cake-cooking binges. Jade started giggling, staring at a patch of the bad-space in the distance and grinning at it.

A few feet away Dave was flashstepping closer to Kanaya, grinning and holding his arms out like he wanted the world's most frightening hug. “I'm going to give you so much sugar, Kan. The whole sugar, ALL OF THE SUGAR.”

Kanaya looked as horrified as Jade had. “I can assure you, Dave Strider, I want none of your sugar. Must we kiss to do this?”

Dave paused in the air to consider it, wiggling back and forth, hands dancing around like birds and a little wiggle in his hips. “MmmmmmmmmmsurveysaysYEP!” Flinging himself forward as well he appeared in front of her, dodging her reflexive swing at him. A flash later Kanaya was curled in chiffon and adding to the sugar-reek of the area.

Aradia tried to stifle her giggles, schooling her face to be highly serious only to start laughing hard again. “C'mon guys. We're going to have such fun. There is so much fun over there! In the wiggly, wobbly, ridiculous space. Bet I can beat you all over!” Chortling she shot out into the void, causing John's stomach to jolt. Dave disappeared in a crackle, yanking Jade and Kanaya with him with a hoot.

The remaining group all stood there and wondered how things could get any stranger.

Gamzee, having leaned against a rock for the entirety of the proceedings broke the silence.

“Fuck. If we die at least it'll be a sweet death.”

Everyone groaned.


	7. White King, Black Queen (For I Have Loved you Deeply in my Final Days, and in Loving Found Perfection)

John bumped Karkat in the ribs with an elbow. “So that was about the most terrifying thing I think I have ever seen. And I have seen some ridiculous stuff.”

The sugar-miasma faded away, dissipating into the dead stillness around them. Karkat stood with his hands clenched at his sides like he wanted a weapon. Also, a target –anything to do rather than observe the stars in impotent stillness. “I don't even. Would that I had words, but I truly and really don't even. I could not articulate nor conceive of how to express how I felt about that even if the whole universe was waiting on my eloquent opining on the subject.”

John slid hands around his waist and kneaded his fingers into Karkat's stiff back. Resting his mouth against his throat he searched for mischief to offer the and found himself at a woeful loss. “I just want it to work.”

Karkat snorted against his hair, wrapping arms around him in turn. “Don't we all.”

Standing there, John took stock of the rest of their group. Terezi stood at serene attention with hands folded over the severe draconian head of her cane. Spine held straight like a soldier, she stood with her face canted in the direction of the distortion. Gamzee loomed behind them, ever-protective and solemn. His fingers rattled and rustled over the hem of his shirt, claws making weird little scraping sounds as he fidgeted. Rose sat by herself, watching the stars with a sort of intensity that he did not know how to get through. It scared him a little, the cold look echoed on her face. It reminded him of the few times that they had skyped and she whispered to him that sometimes she thought the stars were speaking to her. Maybe there was some truth in that. Unfortunately he could not tell them that maybe it was not the right time to be having a conversation with her, given her busy schedule.

Ma Lalonde and Dad murmured to one another while Dave's brother checked his phone. Who he was talking to John could not even begin to parse. Bec had blinked out shortly after the party departed – presumably following Jade, the good dog-god that he was. Sollux floated still in the air, pivoted toward the distortion. Breaking free of Karkat's arms with a gentle wiggle John walked over to him, jumping up into the air so they could hover together. After a few moments of silence passed, he snuck a hand out, lacing their fingers together. Sollux's fingers remained slack.

“Boondollar for your thoughts.” The playful offer did not even gather a snort of derision. John rolled his eyes. Taking a different tack he floated behind Sollux, wrapping his wind-sock around his eyes like a blindfold. Resting his chin over his beau's shoulder, he butted his nose against the joint of Sollux's jaw. “There. You can't see it anymore. Whatever it is. It's gone and now everything's perfect.”

Sollux rotated in the air, eyes still half hidden in the sock and the rest of his expression flat. “You can laugh through anything, can't you?”

Uh-oh. That voice. That was the migraine plus other shit that Sollux did not want to talk to him about voice. In their time together he had never quite found a way to get around or through that cold, toneless vocal expression. “It's either laugh or cry. Or if I feel too many things at once? Just pass the fuck out. Consciousness is a big deal to me, I'm partial to it, y'know so I have to choose laugh. I was never super good at crying. It just made me more upset than I already was.”

Solllux's arms hung impotent at his side. “That mutht be a good thkill to have, John. To never have to feel thad.”

Chafing up and down Sollux's sides and skidding fingers over his ribs John shook his head. “It's nothing like that. I just try to avoid it as hard as I can for as long as I can. What's making you sad buddy? I'll blow it away.”

Hiding his face in his hands, Sollux wound his bony fingers into his hair. “I can hear everything.”

Rocking them to-and-fro in the air John tried to find the magic spell to make things beautiful and perfect once more. “That's kinda lame. Can you maybe focus in on just me?”

Biting John's arm, Sollux hissed at him. “You're being athnine and irritating me. Go away. There'th nothing left. It'th jutht going to happen.”

Ow. Rubbing at the area where his moirail's fangs punctured John waited for the wounds to close. One of the few cool things about godtier was not having to worry about injuries on the same time scale as before. “Okay, majorly uncalled for there. No need to hurt me.”

Sollux hunched in, brows furrowed down in consternation. “Thorry.”

Something about his lisp and the absurdity of the moment tipped John's irritation over into affection. It was a Captor thing to do, lashing out when stressed. This was something that John knew. The absurdity of the situation was throwing off his diamond game and that would not do. Taking a deep breath and channeling his inner adult John rose. Ruefully he began applying hands to Sollux's face. If he kept this interaction businesslike then somehow it would be less awkward. He was the worst papper; but the world might be ending. Aradia had offered a few tips earlier at the house that were becoming relevant in their current situation.

Sollux remained hunched, windsock draped across his eyes. In tiny increments later he floated close, soothed and managing to look angry about it even while it was happening. “You detherved it. If I could cathually wave a claw and tell all of them to fuck off don't you think I would have?”

John smoothed his forefingers along Sollux's empty ocular ridges, flirting with his destroyed sinuses. “You're bizarre enough to enjoy it. I would believe you'd just take it to say you took it.”

Claws flexed against his back and John laughed at them. The threat was more than idle – it was pointless. Death by moirail would not a just death be. “See? Now you're mad at me and not in slack-jawed awe at the pointlessness of the universe.”

“Doom player.” Sollux poked a claw into his side, half-tickling and half-jabbing. “Thath thort of what we do.”

John could not argue with that.

 

*

 

Dad looked across the way at Roxy and felt easy. It was going to be hard, but all them had come to accord. They understood what needed doing and what it would accomplish. Vibration in his pocket notified him that the elder Strider had texted back. They had been typing back and forth since the introduction of the jujus. Roxy stepped on his foot, ignoring the effort he put into shining his shoes in the first place.

“We're getting close to the end. You need to stop avoiding him and go hang out with your beau.”

“I'm not ready to say goodbye yet. Is that cowardly?”

The smell of amber and coupled with good bourbon wafted by him, courtesy of the wind ever-present with his child. Roxy's eyes were hard and the whimsical pink of her scarf did not at all match the steel therein.

“Yes. It is. There is so little time in the world and so few times that we have the chance to do right by each other. Get your ass over there. I'll do the same.”

“You mean that you'll actually speak with your daughter?”

Roxy's fingers disappeared into the pockets of her jacket, and she ducked her head forward to hide in her hair. The smile on her face seemed brave enough. Neither of them were good liars. “She's already engaged in a conversation and I think she's pretty worried about her girlfriend. I'll going to go and sit with her. Cade, go be with them.”

She darted forward, pressing a chaste kiss against his jaw. “We never quite work out. We'll find a way. Sometime maybe. Perhaps in a different life.” Flipping her scarf over her shoulder with flamboyant grace she proceeded over the rough ground to Rose's side.

Behind him, the weight of Gamzee's attention felt like the last anchoring chains holding him from the sea of stars above them. Of everyone, he worried for his lover most. John would be okay. Now a young man, with a good support system in place, without him John would be okay. All children lose their parents. Gamzee though, Cade did not know about. Turning and walking toward him he was met halfway, gathered into long arms like a most treasured lovey. Putting his face into Gamzee's ribs he hugged back as hard as he could.

“I love you.”

Gamzee nodded, face hidden in his hair and against his hat.

“I am proud of you.”

His claws tightened into his shirt, the fabric giving way against the sharpness of the troll's nails.

When the door opened, something inside of his chest shifted, like pressure readjusting itself. Aradia had explained a few details, as had the book. His body understood better than anything that the literature could have told him. As the quality and color of the light around them changed, Gamzee's grip shifted to bruising.

“They're back now. It's time to get ready to go.”

Sugar filled the air and his lover whined, a low note of animal sorrow and buzzing crickets.

“I'm not ready. Not. Ain't time for this, it ain't proper.”

Cade reached high, resting hands along Gamzee's mouth and stopping the flow of words. “Nothing is certain. Nothing is written before. And even if it is we can fall between the lines that have been and create a new story. Isn't that the story of us?” The book contained so many truths. It had been sitting on his bookshelf for years, collecting dust. At any one point he could have picked it up and things would have been utterly different.

He was so glad that he had not picked up that book.

Gamzee honked, eyes scrunched shut.

The four returned, Kanaya stumbling forward to slide her arms around Rose and tuck her to her chest. Dave and Jade toddled forward together to go and knot up with John, Terezi, and Karkat. Bunched up together they looked like they were falling into a huddle for a tactical strike.

For all he understood, they were. Out of the group, miss Megido remained calm, hovering in the air once again in her god tier pajamas. Catching his eye, she winked. A success then. There was no more time, and perhaps infinite amounts. A paradox granted in a space made out of nothing but paradoxes. What needed to have been done, was done.

Looking up at Gamzee he pulled him down and kissed him slow and long, the way love interests ought to be kissed in movies. The way that he had always imagined that he would kiss his spouse when he met them. Gamzee was not his husband and he was not the sort of person that he would have imagined himself with as an idiot twenty year old.

Instead, Gamzee was the gift that he had been given as a slightly less stupid man. No one could ever argue that age did not bring gifts. When he pulled back his eyes had misted indigo and his face was blank. Cade squeezed his waist, flicking his hat back with a forefinger and smiling up at him. “Remember. I love you.”

Gamzee's lips moved, but his face had assumed a sort of blank rictus. It was good enough of an answer from someone that he was hurting. Escorting Gamzee over to Karkat and looking pointedly at his son's paramour he strode to the son in question.

“So what's the plan?”

John looked up from the knot of his friends that had migrated over to include Rose. The former still appeared distracted, but happily was no longer tinted gray.  

"We're going to kind of put people through the door and see what happens next."

"I see. Is there any order to it?" Dad had a feeling that it would all happen rather fast once the moment broke. It had to be carefully done.

He, Roxy, and the other Guardians would go last, accompanied by Aradia. They were essentially utilizing a cheat in the game -- prompting it to give them a win. There were simply stipulations that had to be met.

“Not that we’re aware of. We’re just kind of trying to gear ourselves up to do it.”

Karkat glanced at him. “I think we should stop fussing around and just do this. Either it’s going to work or it won’t.” Light from the doorway played over the rough angles of his face, and made his horns seem to glow.

John grinned. “True enough. So. Uh. Everyone?”

The group shifted its collective attention to John.

“We gonna do this?”

They were. There were various nods and grunts and a few ‘mmm-hmms’ that peppered out in response to his query. John took a deep breath, slid his hand through Karkat’s and winked at everyone.

“This is totally gonna work. See you all on the other side!” Pulling himself up into the air John jumped with Karkat through the threshold, disappearing into white. Stillness followed. The door stood there, pulsing quietly.

Kanaya was the next one to find her courage. Sliding her arm through Rose’s, she nodded. “I believe it’s time to go then. I have a good feeling about this. See you soon.” Proceeding up the few steps of the doorway, she cleared the threshold with Rose, their collective skirts disappearing into the light.

Not one to be outdone, Terezi grabbed both Sollux and Dave by the arms, grinning. “It will be an adventure. I have never turned down an adventure before. Ready to do this?”

Sollux’s face was set in a  grimace, and Dave shrugged. Ready enough. Proceeding between them with a young man on each arm, she marched through the door. Jade followed shortly after. All that remained were Dad and his fellows, and Gamzee.

Looking down at him, Gamzee spoke through a jaw locked in tension. “Now we get to it lover. You are gonna walk through this doorway with me. Nice and easy.”

“Of course.”  

He hated lying.

He hated it because it was not something he did. He hated it more because Gamzee could tell.

Walking up to the doorway with his hand tightly held in Gamzee’s hand, the light seemed dizzying. The troll walked with angry purpose, dragging him along. There was enough determination in his gait to cause Dad to stumble. When he hit the threshold, he stopped. Gamzee did not. Claws tightened on his arm with bruising pressure. Blood beaded up near his elbow.

Gamzee’s fingers slipped.

Furrows opened in his arm as his lover's claws hooked in, in a desperate attempt to force him through. They slid out and away, pulled from the opposite side. It was where he was supposed to be.

The doorway stood empty again.

Slapping a hand to his eyes so he would not wail like some inconsolate child, Dad stepped away from the portal. Aradia came to his side in a floor of sparkles, resting a delicate hand along his shoulder. The pain from the scratches was distracting enough that he could focus on it.

“You did the right thing. Are you ready?”

“No. Not in the slightest. I try to be a man of integrity. I try to be the kind of person that others could respect. And I lied to him. I lied to his face. And I lied to John.”

Aradia flicked her wings, smiling in a good imitation of what sympathy might be. “As adults, sometimes we have to lie. We also have to go.”

Of course. Taking a deep breath and straightening his back, Cade returned to Roxy and Bro. What they were doing would make it better. Roxy turned and slid an arm around his waist. “We’re making it so they can live.”

“I know.”

“It’s sort of funny to me that I’m your Queen. I mean I knew that. But. You are a rather kingly man.”

Dad chuckled. “It’s just one big chess game. For it to progress, the kings have to die.”  

Bro shifted in the background, calm and intent. “Aradia. Let’s go.”

Their scenery shifted around them. Dad looked down to find himself standing on a large checker-board pattern. This would be Skaia then. Skaia a year or so before when they had just been. In order for this all to work, they would need to trigger the battlefield. Nothing in their session had worked out right. There were no Prospitian nor Dersite monarchs. Instead their session had incorrectly tagged himself, Roxy, Bro, and Becquerel as carapaces. As the White King, his death would summon the battlefield. Bro would remain. Roxy would pass as well at his side. Standing near one of the un-blossomed lotus-buds on the field, Cade tried to push his thoughts into order.

Would it hurt?

Would it take a long time?

Would this work?

But the proof stood in the doorway that his child, lovers, and friends had already passed through. Doing this would set game-mechanics into motion. It would be just enough adjustment that the jujus could work and trigger the option that had previously been locked. Their failure to play forward and conquer some of the quests and obstacles had ensured they would not get a good ending. Cheating would change that. The trolls and the kids deserved a good ending.

Aradia floated just off of the ground, her smile wide. Time personified looked at him - impersonal, impartial, and aggressive. Swallowing a little, he offered Roxy a smile and slid his arms through hers. He drew her in, tucking her under his chin. What would happen, would happen regardless. In fact, it had already happened. When the door opened, it meant that they had done this before.

As he had told John many times before, there was no reason to be afraid of something that he had done already.

When the sword bisected through them both with precision and grace it only hurt a little. He could hear the soft grunt of exertion from Bro as he did it.

Around him there was a clamorous shifting of rocks and terrain. The sky shifted in colors and there were sounds that he could not contextualize, much less consider.

What a beautiful life.

How lucky he had been to be there for his son.

An adventure fitting all of his dreams.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Take a deep breath. 
> 
> There is an epilogue.


	8. Selection Menu

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pesterlogs ahoy!

Welcome players!

Congratulations on beating Sburb!

You may now claim your reward.

Please input your usernames to be accounted for in the decision-making processes.

> [EB] EctoBiologist is Online  
> [TT] TenticleTherapist is Online  
> [TG] TurntechGodhead is Online  
> [GG] GardenGnostic is Online  
> [cG] carcinoGeneticist is Online  
> [gA] grimAuxiliatrix is Online  
> [gC] gallowsCalibrator is Online  
> [tA] twinArmageddons is Online  
> [tC] terminallyCapricious is Online  
> [aA] apocalypseArisen is Online

Thank you for logging on! Please specify your decision-input preference.

Type 1 for cumulative agreement.  
Type 2 for representative decision-making.

Server indicates that 7/10 players are in favor of cumulative agreement. The rest of this building session will be decided by majority vote.

As we build your world we will ask for your input.

Please type the following numbers in response to queries.

You may chat with one another during the duration of the building process.

Please be aware that this is a time-sensitive matter. If you do not respond within the allotted time your response will default to match the presets on the server.

Are you ready to begin?

Type 1 to begin.  
Type 2 to pause.

8/10 players are ready to begin.

Building process is starting...

While building please feel free to converse amongst yourselves.

Queries will begin once initialization processes have completed.

> EB: why are there only 10 of us?  
> EB: we're missing people.  
> EB: I don't see my dad. Or Rose's mom.  
> EB: No Bro either.  
> EB: Jade do you see Bec?  
> GG: I can't find him :(  
> GG: No Davesprite either...  
> TG: ...maybe he's just afk.  
> TG: i think really what we should be asking ourselves here  
> TG: more than where our relatives are and important things like that  
> TG: is how the fuck we are typing  
> TG: and where are we?  
> TG: i can't see and i don't think i actually have a keyboard.  
> TG: but i am thinking words  
> TG: and fuck me but they are appearing on the screen.  
> gC: NOW 1S PROB4BLY NOT TH3 B3ST T1M3 TO B3 CONS1D3R1NG P41L1NG COOLKID.

Initialization processes have completed! Thank you for your patience.

Type 1 for a blended species world.  
Type 2 for a troll-based world.  
Type 3 for a humanoid world.  
Type 4 for a shared-world.  
Type 5 for a decision-making round.

10/10 users have decided on a decision making round. You will have a short time to confer with one another. Make it count!

> TT: This is rather important. It appears to me that the game is asking us if we would rather:  
> TT: Have a world populated by troll-humanoid hybrids.  
> TT: Have a world made up of trolls entirely.  
> TT: Have a world simply made out of humans.  
> TT: Or have a world that is a mixture of both species.  
> TT: I can say that I personally do not wish to become a troll. It would follow that I am sure most of our companions do not wish to suddenly become human.  
> TT: Let me propose that we do not commit unintentional genocide on either species.  
> EB: uh, what Rose said.  
> TG: yeah much as it would be kind of wicked to have freaky alien junk imma have to take a pass on that.  
> TG: don't want to be a troll  
> GG: fourth'd. I enjoy being a human.  
> cG: RIGHT. SO WE HEARD FROM THE HUMANS AND GOT A RESOUNDING 'NO, DON'T WANNA BE A TROLL.' GONNA COME BACK FROM THE ALTERNIAN SIDE AND SAY 'NO, DON'T WANNA BE A HUMAN.' SHIT WAS BAD BACK ON HOMEWORLD, BUT I DON'T WANT TO BE BROWN AND PINK TINTED AND SOFT WITH NO HORNS.  
> cG: OPTION 2 and OPTION 3 ARE OFF THE TABLE.  
> cG: WHAT DO THE REST OF YOU HAVE TO SAY ABOUT IT?  
> tA: ii don't really care.  
> tA: any route we take thii2 ii2 goiing two be a clu2terfuck.  
> gA: I Feel That It Would Be Best To Try And Blend The Societies Rather Than The Species  
> gA: There Are Aspects Of Both Of Our Cultures That Could Be Mutually Beneficial  
> gA: I Do Not Feel Comfortable Forcing Any Part Of Our Group To Be Something That They Do Not Wish To Be As We Have The Majority Vote We Could  
> gA: I Do Not Think We Should  
> gC: D1FF3R1NG SP3C13S ON TH3 S4M3 SP4C3 L34DS TO COMP3T1T1ON FOR R3SOURC3S 4ND TH3N W4R  
> gC: 4NY OF TH3 SCHOOLF33DS ON COLONY L1F3 C4N T3LL YOU TH4T 4ND TH4T 1S W1TH R34SON4BL3 3XC3PT1ON M4D3 FOR GR4NDST4ND1NG 4ND PROP4G4ND4  
> gC: WH1L3 1 DO NOT S4Y TH1S W1TH GR34T 3NTHUS14SM P3RH4PS W3 SHOULD CONS1D3R TH3 BL3ND3D 4PPRO4CH  
> gC: TH3N W3 W1LL B3 COM1NG FROM 4 UN1F13D FRONT 4S 4 SP3C13S WH3N TH3 1N3V1T4BL3 H4PP3NS  
> gC: UNL3SS W3 W1SH TO B3G1N OUR N3W WORLD W1TH 4 D1CT4TORSH1P?  
> cG: FUCK THAT.  
> aA: war is inevitable when any large gr0up expands there will be c0nflict i w0uld pr0p0se that we w0rry m0re ab0ut management later  
> aA: it is m0re a questi0n 0f whether the species will fight each 0ther and make a campaign 0ut 0f xen0ph0bia and land usage  
> aA: 0r if as a species that has been 0n the planet they fracture and splinter and fight themselves  
> aA: war is war.  
> aA: and it always happens 0u0

Your time is up players! Please make your selections.

>cG: GODDAMNIT.

Type 1 for a blended species world.  
Type 2 for a troll-based world.  
Type 3 for a humanoid world.  
Type 4 for a shared-world.  
Type 5 for a decision-making round.

5/10 players have decided on a blended species world.  
5/10 players have decided on a shared-world.

In issues of a tie, the server will tie-break.

Congratulations!

Your new world is a shared-world. There will be two species coexisting in the same place.

> TT: That did not go the way I thought that it might have.  
> GG: Crap no, not at all. I thought if we pulled up a tie maybe we could lock it up and get some more time to discuss.  
>TG: it did say something about a time limit  
>TG: dont think that we get the luxury of time  
>TT: I can't be the only one to find the game-interface relentlessly cheerful. It is a bit irritating.

Species installation has finished! Thank you for your input players. Next we will talk about galaxies!

*

>cG: THIS IS A BRUTAL THING. A BRUTAL AND TERRIFYING THING THAT THIS GAME IS MAKING US DO.  
>TG: what  
>TG: touch buttons randomly and hope for the best  
>cG: I HAVE NO IDEA IF THE AMOUNT OF SUNS THAT WE HAVE CHOSEN TO BESTOW A PARTICULAR GALAXY WITH WILL EVENTUALLY CAUSE AN INTERSTELLAR CALAMITY AND CAUSE EVERYONE TO DIE.  
>GG: DAVE!  
>GG: I suppose that is what they intended in having players from the various aspects?  
>GG: You have time and space people to deal with some of the physics issues.  
>GG: The Breath and Hope players will deal with issues of mass-causality...  
>GG: This is kind of giving me a headache. >:(  
>tA: doom and rage account for 2ome of the more iillogiical tiime2 iin hii2tory.  
>cG: SPEAKING OF.  
>cG: GAMZEE.  
>cG: ARE YOU EVEN VOTING? OR ARE YOU LETTING THE COMPUTER DO IT?  
>tC: I Am dOiNg mY DuTy tO ThIs tInYgRuB UnIvErSe tHaT We hAvE bRoOdInG.  
>tC: WhEn tHe cHoIcEs cOmE Up i vOtE.  
>tC: If yOu aLl hAvE SoMeThInG To sAy, I GeT My rEaD On.  
>cG: OH. OKAY. GOOD.  
>cG: I WAS WORRIED.  
>cG: YOU'VE BEEN REALLY QUIET.  
>cG:  
>tC:  
>gC: >:)  
>gC: > :)  
>gC: >:)  
>cG: DON'T YOU WAGGLE YOUR EXPRESSION MARKINGS AT US MADAM.  
>gC: HOW C4N 1 H3LP MYS3LF WH3N YOU BRO4DC4ST YOUR 4DM1R4T1ONS 1N SUCH 4 PUBL1C V3NU3 4S TH3 CR34T1ON OF 4 N3W UN1V3RS3  
>tC: ThAt Is SeReNdIpItY iF i EvEr HeArD tHe LiKe  
>TG: you could say that they have been in troll friend-love since the beginning of time  
>TG: aw  
>EB: that is super cute. I mean really. but we should probably pay attention

Galaxy birth is complete! Thank you for waiting players! Next we will discuss chemical composition

 

c̝̯̽̔ͧͩͨͫ̚o̟̺̲ͥ̃ͅm͚̰ͮ͑̓̃̍ͧ̍p̬̰̗̘͇̽͊͛ỏ͇̻s̜̻̰̜͉ͥ̆͒ͥ̔͆̎̚î̲̓̋̆̿̾t̖̾i̩̩̦̟͇̭̻̥ͮ͋ͭͯ̾̒̚o̞͕̭͚̜ͥͪ̊ͬ͒n̘͙̣̱̝͇͉̺̐̅̆̑ͮ͛̈̉̚

c̝̯̽̔ͧͩͨͫ̚o̟̺̲ͥ̃ͅm͚̰ͮ͑̓̃̍ͧ̍p̬̰̗̘͇̽͊͛ỏ͇̻s̜̻̰̜͉ͥ̆͒ͥ̔͆̎̚î̲̓̋̆̿̾t̖̾i̩̩̦̟͇̭̻̥ͮ͋ͭͯ̾̒̚o̞͕̭͚̜ͥͪ̊ͬ͒n̘͙̣̱̝͇͉̺̐̅̆̑ͮ͛̈̉̚

>>syntax error  
>>re-routing directories  
>>syntax error  
>>rebooting

 

≯̰͕̗̳̳͈̜̞̌̌ͣ͜͝s̞̻̻̣̜̖̪͎͛̏ͩ͑ͤ͗ͨ͡ͅẏ̸̷̼̫̩̪̠ͩ̒̓̎͋͟ş̞̳̣̘̣̠̞̼͍͛ͯ͊̒̇t̴̙̩̪̜̳̭ͬ̐ͯͤ͡ë̩̞̺̬̟́̓̂̈̒͌ͭ̄ͅm̧̢̖̥̰̭̭̟̭͕ͣͨ̾ͭ̃ ̔̚͏̳͝ẻ̉̚҉͚̹̜͖̥̘ŗ̵̰̱̰̣̽ͬ͗̋ͩr̩̘̹̻͕̹̗̾̒̈́̅ͮͧ̚͜͡o̸̦̦̭͉͂͑̓͋̆̐͆̎́r̥̼̙͖̰͍̪͇̿̍ͯ̑ͨ̃̈́̔

>aA: 0u0

>̲̲͋ͭ̋̒̊̆̄͑>̞̠͍͕͚́ͪ̎̒ ̬̰̘͖͕̓̒T̫̼̘͉̝̓͑ͯ̅͆h̹̦ͯͤͤͪ͆ḙ͕̟͈͚͚͙͓͓͐r͖͔̱͓̗ͬ͗e͈͇̲̲ͥ̅̄̑̍̒̋ ͇̲̙̦̝̏̒ͫ̒̿͐̄h͕͇̘̰̬̘̖̥ͩ͆͐̎̄ͤ̇͑â͍̩̭̰̊ͤ̚s̫̪̦̭̠̠͗ ̤̫͐̏̀ͥͨ̄̓  
b͕̱͙̈́̉ͨͪ́ͣḛ̘̖̹̟̱̊ͥ̄̄̓̊̑̊̂e̦͎̯̼̳͓͎̓͋̿͆͊̐ñ͍̮ͣ́̐̌̌ͪͭͭ ̮̼̰͖̮͔̦̟̫̂̅̈ͭ́a̩͖̤̗̹̲͔͓̫ͭ̚ǹ͚͉̥̮͚ͪ̀̋̔͂͐ͅ ͖ͥͥ̒͗̒̒ͯͨe͉̮̗͇̱̞̜̻̺͒̔ͫ̀̈ͭṟ̤̻̺͙͈͌̓ͅr̜̖͎̱̙͑ͪͦͪ͌̔ö͍̼̤͖͉̥͎̖̊̂ͮṛ̞̰̲͊̌͑͐.̯̫̹͉̞ͩ͛̈́ͫ ̱̗ͮ̀ͣ́̋̀ͫA̗̺̠̟͎̯̭̟̽̋̚t̳͓̏͛͊̒ͬ͐t̜ͥͭͅḛ̥̙͓̑̆̓͊̋m̟͖͇̰̂̾p̖ͩ̑̿̓̽t̳͓͔̻̩͓̪̗͚̍̑ǐ̬̦̰̝͍n̞͈̘̖̪̲̼̓ͩ̏ͥ̏̐ͅg̘ͭ́̍ͦ͒ͩͭ̓̃ ̺͎̽͆ṯ̼̟̫͎̺̭ͪ̆̇o͙̞͍̤̳̪̪̹̲͐̑ͦͫ ̘͎̭͍̘̥̖ͦ̊ͅṟ̜̟̝̗̳͖͉̄e̗͚̜̤̥ͩ̏̓b̟̩͖̥͚͕ͣ̌͑̑ͬͧͨ̇͗ͅo͕̯̙̠̬͖͖͖̜ͯͦͨͪͬo̯̞̫̮̫̳ͥ̽̉ͩ͒ͣ̌t͓͕̥̦̠ͥͬ̋̉̄.̞̣͔̟͙ͩ̓ͯ̉͆̆ͥ ͔̙͖̪̠͓̫̗ͥ͐̉̊̀̒͌̓

>tA: 2hiit.  
>tC: honk  
>cG: DON'T YOU FUCKING START. NOT RIGHT NOW.  
>tC: RIGHT.  
>tC: i will be all up and quiet. LIKE A CHEESEBEAST.  
>EB: you guys what is going on right now?    
>TG: dont know dont care and dont like it  
>aA: give it a m0ment

Welcome to the bonus round players!

 

Y̴͎͇̠̪̥̖͑́̄ͩ̏ͣ͠o̴̡̬͓̯̭̊̇͐̿̓̏͌̐́̾͌͋͗́͘ú͇̪̖̺̱̗̙͖̏̌͒̊̒ͬ̃́͘͡ have the option to c̯̯̥̫̤̘͖̖̱̯͓̠̜͔̰̈̍̔ͫ͊ͧͤ̾̌́̕ǫ̴̬̖̤̭̩͂ͣ̍̃̎͋̾̈́̂͋n̶̨̡͙̪͍̩̼̼͕̥͈̞͈̮͕̼̳͚͈̹̺̉̌̄̇͒̀ṯ̖͉̥̬͍̲̄ͭ̎̆ͤ͐ͧ̄̍ͫ̓̃̒̚͘͞i̓͛ͣ͋̽̑͋̊́́̓̅ͬ҉͎͚̥̠͖͡n̸̶̞͓̭͎͙͓͔̱̞̱͙͓̭͖ͬ̆̽̚ͅu̸͌̌̎͌ͨ̃͗̂̓ͭ̌͞͏͈̰̠̜̳͉͔̺̩͍̞̲̜͈̤̭͇̖̻e̡̡̯̭̭̳̼̔̄̊̓̒́̀̚͜ͅ ̙̜̦̖͍̰̞̺̰͌̅͐̔ͪ̒͊͑͑͋̉ͯͮ͐̚͘͜͟ͅy̵̸̢̛̱̰͓͕͎̬͈͖̙͈͎̦̼͙̲̘̩͋̎͒̄̅̋ͣ̍͒̎ͪo͕̝͓͍̱̓̏͊̉̒͋̽̅̃͐̈ͧ̈ͧ̓ͮ̀͊̃̀ų̬̟͔̪̬̣̩̗̺̓ͪ̇̋̓ͧ̐ͬ͆̑̔̓̈́̚̕ͅr̸̂͌̾̉ͩ҉̧̦̗͖̘͖͎̠͍͈̟͚̞̲͍̜̟̗̺ͅ ̸̛͈̦̻̟̤͔̥ͮͣ͐ͨͣ͂͢͢s̪̬̩̳̣͎̟͉̳̩̠̫̪͎̯͈̙͎͌̆ͯͣ̽͡e̵̸͓͇͎̻ͨͦ̅ͪ͂ͫͫͦ̽̿͌̽̓ͭͭ̐̀̀̕s̶̸̨̛̥̜̟͓̖̪̙̫͎̜̜̉ͫͨ̋̃̈ͦ̒̋̃̚ṣ̴̵̨̼̖̮̰̬̯͖̪̥̱̥̤̤̹̓͂ͮͫ̆͆͛͂͐͗̓̿ͫ̆̔̀̚ͅį̶̛͕̭̙̘͇̻͎̫͇̤̹͎̞͛̿̇́ͯͭͪ͆͊̉̐́̚͟ͅõ̶̶̷͚̙͉̙̬̯͙̺͔̠̭̝͖͉̲̠ͣͭ̆ͯ̆͑͋́n͋ͥ̊̃̋̐͊ͥ̂͆ͥ̔ͪ͏̷̝̣̮̹̼̼̯

.

>cG: WHAT THE BLISTERING SHITFUCK?!  
>GG: what now?  
>GG: what is even happening? did the glitch stuff follow us?  
>TG: think its saying something about our session  
>TT: I must admit the glitch-text is a tad off-putting, as well as difficult to read.  
>gA: I Do Not Think That I Am Interested In Continuing Our Session As It Will Inevitably Lead To Our Collective Deaths.  
>tC: GIVE IT A MOMENT TO BREATHE AND REALIZE. no idea what might happen.  
>tC: SURPRISES ALL BUT BE THROWING THEMSELVES AT OUR FEET.  
>cG: I AM MORE THAN DONE WITH SURPRISES AT THIS POINT IN MY LIFE. THANK YOU VERY FUCKING MUCH ON THAT FRONT.  
>EB: it has stopped so I guess it wants us to make a choice?  
>GG: I dunno whether or not our choices up until now will carry over. I kind of hope so?  
>GG: I mean it’s taken a long time to decide all that stuff!  
>gC: K33P 1N M1ND WH4T CONT1NU1NG OUR S3SS1ON M1GHT 34RN US P3RH4PS W3 OUGHT TO PROMPT 1T 4ND S33 WH4T H4PP3NS?  
>TG: fuck the waiting just gonna see what happens.  
>TG: sburb:\ options  
>EB: Dave are you serious?  
>EB: DOS? REALLY?  
>tA: that ii2 2ome 2hiitty code, 2triider.

Player TG has requested options.

1̡̬͉.͎̰̱́ ̥̻̯͇̹͕ͅC҉̝͚̭r͏̤̰̮̝e̹͕̮̩̥͎a̢̮̼t͚̗͙̩̥e͖̫͕̤ N̝͕͎̺͖e͜w̺͍̙̪̜ ̗̭Un̰͖i̸̥v̩̬͍̮̬͖e̢r̰͇̲̜̘͜s̛͕̞̺͍̰e̴͚̪̗̟̪  
.  
2\. Continue Existent Universe.

3̂̈́ͥͬ̋ͧ҉̺̯̬̣̹̱̠̖̻̣̪͉͚͖̬̬̤̠͘͞͡ͅ.̶̤̘͖̭̟̰̬̫͕̖̫̄́̾̇͑̈ͥ̿ͮ̈ͫ̎̑ͮ̏͊̚ͅ ͒͗̓͛̑̐ͨ͛ͮͩ͆̓̑̃̃͏̡̦̱͓̟̖̤̦͙ͅȌ̍̉̆ͮ̔͊̍͐̑́̚͏̸̢̫̞͔̹͎͍̟͕̤͓͈̥ť̸̳̟͚̬̟̮͉ͨ̎̔ͫ̊̋̅̆͜h̢̻̦̳̬̮̮̗̩͉̐͌ͬͤ͌ͩ̌̄ͪͩͬ̅̾̅̅̑̇͛̀ȇ̢̱̼̼̣̤̣̙͙͔͓̬͎̤̱̣͍ͧͦ̓ͮ͗̽́̂̇ͤͯͮͮ̄͢͢͡rͧͫͨ̒̃͏͖̖̦̖̤̜̰̺̳͓͇̰͙͚̥͔̞̲͙

>>error  
>>error  
>>reboot  
>>error  
>>rebuilding from cache

Would you like to display further options?

>TG: display menu for option 2

Your previous game has corrupted data! We are very sorry this has happened! We cannot continue your session as previously played. The error has damaged your file. We have some options for you.

1\. Reload previous characters and attempt to continue session.  
2\. Mini-game mode to unlock other characters.  
3\. Free-build

>GG: the first option is greyed out :(  
>GG: so we can’t get our guardians back.  
> aA: i w0uld n0t be s0 sure  
> tA: aa do you know 2omethiing?  
> aA: 0u0  
> aA: i kn0w a l0t 0f things  
>aA: which are the right things I cann0t say.  
> tA: thii2 ii2 really not the tiime two be cagey aa.  
>tA: iif you know 2omethiing, tell u2.

Player tC has selected option 2. Thank you players! As there is no further time remaining in this section we will begin loading the mini game. Please hold for further instructions.

>cG: GAMZEE WHAT DID YOU DO?!!!!!!!


End file.
